Life is tough but God is FAITHFUL

Man, what a rush. I’m a tad bit out of breath and my heart is about to beat out of my chest! No, not because I’m ‘that’ out of shape but because of the excitement and encouragement God, just moments ago, placed within my spirit. (I was all of a sudden overwhelmed with the desire to write down the thoughts and feelings God has placed in my heart. And for those of you who know me well will understand as to why I just sprinted down the hall, up the stairs to grab my Bible and computer so that I could jot down my thoughts.) I’m in the lobby of my dorm where at this very moment a group pf people are gathered watching ‘Charlie St. Cloud.’ (Great movie, by the way.) I’m seated in the back of the room, attempting to study for my Old Testament final I have Monday morning. I just finished trying to help my dear Wynn study for his math final – but as my mother so delicately put it, ‘Em, that’s like the blind leading the blind.’ It’s the thought that counts me suppose. One of the concepts I was studying on my review sheet was the prophetic actions of Jeremiah. The one particular action I was committing to memory was the Almond tree – its significance was that God would fulfill His word. This past week has been absolutely a whirlwind! God has tested my faith in His faithfulness and at times I didn’t even recognize that that’s what He was doing. My dad has been in and out of Doctors offices with an unusual back pain, finals started this week, and those everyday, nagging circumstances and problems have been hitching a ride on the ‘Emily train,’- and life is just tough. (This all ties together, I promise.) As I was trying to remember Jeremiahs prophesy of the Almond Tree and God’s faithfulness, the visual learner inside of me took a glance outside in search of a tree to associate with this certain prophetic question. As I looked at the tree outside my dorm I was thinking, “There ya’ go Em, God is faithful to fulfill His promises. Look, he takes care of the trees.” And it was at this moment that I decided to race up the stairs in search of my Bible and computer. This past week God has tested my trust in Him. It’s just been one of those weeks; nothing horrible happened but it’s just been a struggle to get through. I’ve poured out my heart to God and searched His word for verses on faith and hope. I was blessed beyond belief with the verses He brought to my attention. This is one of the reasons His word is so important and dear to my heart – it is my hope. I’m so thankful that the Lord is sure to fulfill His promises. He is always faithful whether we deserve it or not. I am blessed to have such wonderful friends and a wonderful family to love and encourage me. I’m also very thankful for the wonderful young man God has placed in my life. Wynn reminded me the other day that life is tough. But the reason we have joy and hope is because of Jesus Christ. We get in these dark spots in life and sometimes forget that the Light of the World is living inside of us. When we are overwhelmed by our struggles and by life itself, we need to remember who are hope is in – the faithful Father. Don’t be troubled by your troubles. We are not promised tomorrow so we need to live our lives in the HOPE and faithfulness of the Lord today. Love, laugh, live, cry, sing, dance, eat :] , hope, run, play, conquer, and don’t get tangled up in what could have been; take what the Lord has given you and USE it for His glory. 3 days till Christmas break! Luke 1:37, “For NOTHING will be impossible with God.”

Loving one another...it's tough.

It’s funny what God will use to teach you things. A couple weeks ago, I went with my good friend, and a handful of other people, on a ‘mini road trip’ for the weekend. It was a lot of fun and definitely a different experience than I expected it to be. I was a bit nervous about the ‘big adventure’ – solely because some of the people that had decided to tag along weren’t exactly the people I ‘chummed’ around with all the time. My heart had become haughty and these were the ones I often found myself wondering why they were even attending TMC. Nevertheless, 2 of my very best friends were in the group and it was destined to be a fun time filled with memories! (I am going to try and not drag this story out – I tend to do that; but I will give it my best to get to the point.) That night, a certain group of people decided to involve themselves in things that did not represent Christ, the school they attend, or themselves. This saddened my heart and really angered my spirit. I was disappointed in a few, angry at some others, and relieved when my best friend decided not to partake in the folly of ‘temporary fun’ – whatever his reasons. That night, some sleeping arrangements were rearranged and our wonderful host found it within her heart to put up the ‘disadvantaged’ boy on her couch. I know he was relieved; but I can guarantee you, I was more so. As we ventured off to bed and goodnights were being exchanged, my best friend hollered at me and said, “Hey, you wanna’ say prayers with me?” I was a little surprised at his request, nonetheless joyful and excited that he desired to join in prayer together; I suppose I will give credit to the ‘wee’ hours of the morning as to why I was a bit taken back – I shouldn’t have been, but I was. Of course, I agreed. I knelt down by the once, shaggy headed boy who was curled up on a couch too small for his long core, who had rumpled up the sheets trying to get comfortable. As he prayed, my spirit was convicted and touched. He prayed for his friends. He acknowledged that God, the same God who loves him and me, loves them just as much despite their bad judgment. Now, I’ve been raised with the saying, “Birds of a feather flock together” as a mission statement in choosing my friends and those who I hang around with. I am beyond blessed that I have been so privileged to have such godly influences and friendships in my life – not everyone gets to experience that and I am ever so thankful for the Lords provision. To sum up the story – There is a particular individual in this group of people who I have become not so fond of. The Lord convicted me that instead of judging him on the mistakes he has made, I should be loving Him with the Love I have experienced in Christ Jesus. I struggle with application…I really struggle with it. I’m praying for this guy, that he would wake up and get real in his faith. The Lord brings him across my mind quite often and I always say a prayer within my heart for him. I’m praying that God will use me, and that he will use one of my friends to be an example of REAL Christians: the ones who show love, have fun, but honor the Lord in everything that we do. I had this “revelation” that God could use us, somehow, someway, to show these kids that what they are living is not a Christ-filled life. And if they already know that, and simply don’t care, God can use us to show them that the Christian walk is worth it. That’s my prayer. It sounds kind of crazy and unusual. But why would I limit my God to the ways He can use me? The ways He can use us? Get the focus off of yourself – if there are people you have a hard time loving, PRAY for them and go out of YOUR way to prove God’s love for them. John 13:34 says, “I give you a NEW command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another. By this all people will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Today is IT!

Today…is it. It’s all we have. In America, we are taught that there is always a tomorrow; but this isn’t true. Now, I am in no way condoning the ‘live for today, do what feels good’ mentality. But as Christians, I really do believe that we should be living to give God all that we have today, not plan on giving Him half today and the other half next week. This entire ‘idea’ is really something that God has been placing on my mind and my heart for the past week or two. A good friend brought it to my attention that we get so caught up in trying to figure out God and what He wants that if we’re not careful we will miss the opportunity to receive the blessings that He has for us, and miss the chance to bring Him honor and glory through our IMPERFECT and BROKEN lives. This hit home for me – we try to over think things and out think God. When we do this, where is our faith? What are we saying to God? Do we trust Him? No. Our view of God is often distorted, even as Christians. We tend proclaim His as Supreme Being over our lives but in our hearts we diminish his power and His providential care over our lives. He deserves all that we are. He deserves 100% of who we are, today. I struggle with this and God is working with me. (Thank goodness!) Matthew 6:34, “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

A TRUE Father

Wow. It has been way too long since I have taken the time to sit down and capture all that God has been doing in my life and put it into words. In no way will my senseless words do any justice for what God has been doing within my life and my heart. Apparently my world is one crazy whirlwind. Every single time I actually do sit down to write about it I babble on and on about how crazy my past weeks have been. It’s starting to become a trend and I guess I’m just going to have to accept it for what it is! In a nutshell, God has been teaching me about His love and provision in my life. He has reinforced over and over again that He is God and that He is in control. (Thank goodness He is. My life would be a WRECK if He allowed me to live it the way I think it needs to be done.) I have actually been struggling with something recently and it baffles me that I was actually having this battle in my mind. It wasn’t until I began to pour out my heart and ‘recent life story’ to my best friend that I began to understand that the very answer to my struggle was in my heart and mind the entire time. God has a plan for our lives. Isn’t that awesome? But you know what is even more mind-boggling? His plans for us are good! They are good. He doesn’t wish us to struggle. He has no intentions to harm us or to leave us. In every struggle He is there with us, fighting for us, believing in us and encouraging us to the finish line. This truth was made so real to me this past week in chapel at TMC. I love chapel by the way. It’s just about the only good thing that happens on Thursday’s…. the rest of my day is filled with the history of Ancient Greece and biology. Anyway, Dr. Brad Reynolds spoke and talked about running the race of life. He talked about God being our father, up in the stands, cheering us on to the finish line. He is up in the stands grabbing others who are around Him and saying, “That’s my girl!” “That’s my boy!” This is such an easy concept. Duh, God is our heavenly father. I knew that but it wasn’t until this chapel service that I actually understood it. I hate running. If someone told me I had a choice to either run 16 miles or die I would probably choose the death route…no joke. And I suppose that in this position as father, I had pictured God running beside me playing the role of coach. “Run harder, make your strides longer, pace yourself Em, keep going, almost there, DON’T stop.” To a point this is who He is. But even deeper, He isn’t that coach that is yelling at us out of love and commitment to finish the race, but He is our LOVING father whose heart is hurting as He watches us run in pain. He sweats with our sweat and He feels the pain that we feel. That’s our father; the same father that has GOOD and perfect plans for our lives. This doesn’t even skim the surface of what God has been doing in my life. But i have been absolutely dying to get someting out into words. So there you go.Be encuraged that He is YOUR loving Father who is FOR you.

A Different Direction

God has been doing a lot in my life these past few days. I think I say that just about every time I sit down and write – but hey, I’m certainly not complaining! Obedience has seemed to be ‘the’ beat to my drum lately. God has called each of us to be obedient at all times but lately He has really required me to die to my self and my fleshly wants all for the sake of obedience. It is never an easy task, obedience. In all reality it is probably one of the hardest tests to pass because our flesh desires to please self. It knows nothing but selfishness. I know the Lord is preparing me for something because this is the second ‘call to obedience’ He has beckoned me to that has had a major impact on my life. When I came to Truett I had purposed within my heart to play basketball. I have been raised an athlete. I love it. I played sports all throughout high school; it seemed as if I was at school and practices more than I ever was at home. So of course, given the opportunity to play sports in college was what I had convinced myself was next on my bucket list. As I began to allow myself to sink into the fact that I was now on my own, away from my family, at school, God began to press on my heart that basketball wasn’t on His list for me. I wrestled with this decision because, as some of you may know, I am a very ‘planned’ person. I like to know what’s going on. It’s a major struggle of mine because God doesn’t let you know what’s going on. He requires your faith. Anyway, I don’t mean to ramble. I began to pray and seek the Lords will for me in this aspect of my life. I was concerned with my choices because in my decision I was making a commitment; a commitment to be committed to one thing or to another. Athletics is something that I love and to ‘go a different route’ was something that I had never seriously considered. Lying before me was an option to get involved and to grow in Christ and ministry through a means that I have not had. I sought council from people I trusted and of course poured my heart out to Christ. The votes were tallied, the results are in – Emily Grooms is taking a different road. I so desire for Christ to be glorified in my life and I desire to serve Him with all of who I am, every single part of me. God has made Himself clear as clear can be that I am exactly where He wants me to be right now. I’m so excited to see where He will lead me because I know that He indeed has a plan for me while I am here. A plan to grow me and conform me more into the likeness of His Son.

Worshipping

It has been a CRAZY few days, and that’s putting it nicely! I’m adapting to life without my mom and dad, my sisters, my bed, my dogs… what a rough life.  I am so thankful for this school. Truett-McConnell College has already blessed my heart and I attribute every ounce of that blessing to the fact that God has willed and allowed me to be here. Today was our first chapel day. Dr. Canter spoke and it was definitely a word from the Lord; convicting and inspiring. He spoke of the Prodigal son in a way I had never heard it told before. He focused on the father and used his actions as a picture of the gospel and evangelism. We have an amazing ‘chapel’ band who aided us in some extraordinary worship – it was divine, that’s the only word I can think of to accurately describe what it was. Throughout the past few days of orientation we have been privileged, as a school, to worship together at various times and places. I felt so at home when I looked around me and saw all the students, about my age…some older and some younger, worshiping and praising our Farther in Heaven for His work in each of our individual lives. I literally thought to myself, ‘Where have all of you been?’ It has been an answer to prayer to be around people who truly love the Lord. (Not that any of you back in J-vile aren’t…it’s been a burden on my heart for quite some time and God really blessed me when He placed me here at TMC.) Today at chapel God really burdened my heart during our worship time. Those of you who know me know that I am not a publicly emotional person. Well, as we began to sing songs of praise to our God, who sits on the throne, perfect in power, holy, and full of grace, and my heart simply broke. The wall of ‘toughness’ came down and tears began to roll down my face as I sang. It was one of those moments that I think I will remember for the rest of my life. God burdened and broke my heart as I worshiped and I was in complete awe of Him; His very name. I was overwhelmed by His grace and faithfulness in my life. I was taken back by His divine providence and protection He has placed on me for the past 19 years. My birthday is today – the big 19! Whoop whoop!  My cousin texted me this morning right before we stood up to sing to wish me a happy birthday and he told me he hoped I was having a lot of fun and a great time. That meant so much to me. I don’t know why it did – but God used it to absolutely bless my heart. As I was singing I was again overwhelmed at how blessed I was to have such a wonderful family. Throughout the entire service, even during the invitation, I experienced worship. I thought the tears had stopped rolling but the waterworks just kept on leaking. God’s grace and mercy…there are no words to accurately describe the two. And if there are words I certainly could not give them proper credit. Even this very moment I am captivated by God’s love for me. Sometimes we forget how much of nothing we are without Him. We forget that our sin separates us completely from Him and that without His grace and mercy in our lives we would be dead, without Him. Remember that and remember to worship Him. Don’t ever take the opportunity to worship for granted.

Hero

Every now and then I will find myself lying on the couch, engrossed in some new movie or driving around Jacksonville, intently listening to some new music that’s playing on Air 1 Radio. As many of you already know, I am guilty of singing while I’m driving…more than guilty. If there was such a thing as double guilty – that’d be me. It must have been about a month ago that I hopped in my car to drive somewhere, who knows where… because I sure can’t remember. It was hot; my air was on full blast blowing my 09’ tassel around like it was in the middle of a Tornado. (Which I just recently took down by the way. I figured it was time to move on from good ole’ high school… ;) As I was focused on why my air was not cooling fast enough to meet my immediate concern of heat exhaustion, suddenly, I heard something that made all the little and insignificant thoughts I was having cease. These were the words that immediately drowned out my own voice:

“There He goes – a hero
A Savior to the world.
Here he stands with Scars in His hands.
With love He gave His life
So we could be free.
The Savior of the world.”

For some reason the past few weeks I have become very sensitive and somewhat emotional when it comes to, for lack of better words, ‘moments of the heart.’ I am not a crier when it comes to heart throbbing movies or your usual tear jerker. I’m just not. But when I heard this song my heart immediately broke. Here were these words being sung that spoke of my Savior as He truly deserves to be spoken of: a Hero. I don’t know the history of this song or even who wrote it. My personal applaud to whoever did. It’s sung by a Christian band called Abandon and the song’s name is Hero. As I continued on my way I poured out my heart to God, my Hero, and begged of His forgiveness for not viewing Him as a Hero. I mean, come on, take a look at these words. If this story wouldn’t top the box offices – I give up on movies in general. This man who was famous for nothing. He was poor, dirty…normal. He had a face like all the rest yet when He told people to follow Him, they came. I won’t spoil the rest of the song for you. I hope you will scroll down to read the rest of it. I am guilty of viewing my Savior as Lord, as God, even as my Father. But I am also ‘double guilty’ of not viewing Him as a true Hero, which is what He is. Please read this song…go to youtube and listen to it. As you read and as you listen, think of the words and how powerful they are. Think of how simple the very moments the song speaks of are. This is our Savior – our Hero.

He walked the dirty streets
Famous for nothing.
He said “come follow me” and they came.
A face like all the rest.
But something was different.
The Son of God would lead the way.
And soon they all would say.

There He goes - a hero
A savior to the world.
Here He stands with scars in His hands.
With love He gave His life
so we could be free.
The Savior of the world.

He spoke with clarity
Walked across the sea.
A single word would calm the storm.
His touch could heal the sick
but He was called a hypocrite.
Laid behind the stone
His death was shortly mourned
He left the curtain torn.
He walked the dirty streets
Famous for nothing.
He said “come follow me” and they came.
A face like all the rest.
But something was different.
The Son of God would lead the way.
And soon they all would say.

There He goes a hero
A savior to the world.
Here He stands with scars in His hands.
With love He gave His life so we could be free.
The Savior of the world.

He spoke with clarity
Walked across the sea.
A single word would calm the storm.
His touch could heal the sick
but He was called a hypocrite.
Laid behind the stone
His death was shortly mourned
He left the curtain torn.

Reliance

Reliance is something I have been thinking about a LOT lately. Come to think if it, it’s more of something I’ve been subjected to watching. We all rely on something. We rely on our alarm clocks to go off in the morning, our car to get us to school and work, the pastor to preach a good sermon…the list goes on. Just last week I was ‘privileged’ to work in Vacation Bible School at my church. (I place some emphasis on the privileged part because it truly was a blessing – despite the grueling hours.) From 8 in the morning to 1 in the afternoon I was downtown, along with over 1,000 children and workers, and then from 5 in the evening to 8:30 at night, I was at the South Campus of FBC, in Ponte Vedra, helping out with the 100 kids who participated there. It was a BUSY week to say the very LEAST. The first day of VBS was a bit chaotic. An influx of children attended and caught everyone by surprise. New rooms were opened, staff members were pulled to teach classes, more cookies were to be set aside, and the list continues. What took weeks of preparation in some aspects was practically forced to be accomplished in mere hours. I recall standing at the South Campus auditorium, when Rev. Allen gave the ‘daily report’ on the previous/ current day of VBS. It was only day 2 and I was already beat, worn out, tired, and ready for the night to be over. As I stood there, almost captivated in my own selfish thoughts, the Lord grabbed my attention. Rev. Allen was rejoicing in the numbers of children that had attended and reminded everyone that without the Lords’ hand and intervention, this week wouldn’t go on. (Not as planned, anyway.) It wasn’t so much of what he said that peaked my interest, but what was behind what he said: Reliance. It doesn’t really seem like it’s that big of a deal; VBS, a lot of kids….that’s what’s supposed to happen, right? Yes, but what about in our own lives. Do we so rely on God that we admit without His intervention, it’s hopeless? Dr. Brunson said something recently that ties right along with what God has been teaching me. One Sunday morning he mentioned how he loves to ask God to do the impossible because without His hand, His movement, it won’t happen. It requires a genuine faith that God will show up. (Obviously, those are not the exact words he used, simply my best interpretation at the moment) Where are we when it comes to relying on God in every aspect of our lives? We forget, but it’s God who grants us our next breath. He is the one who takes thought of us, who gives us all that we need. Psalm 8:3-4 says, “When I consider Your heavens, the work of your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained; what is man that You take thought of him, and the son of man that You care for him?” He thinks a lot of us. As I was preparing my heart and mind to write down these words, I was trying to think of some scripture that went along with the truth of relying on God. It wasn’t hard to come up with one. 2 Samuel 17:37 says, “And David said, ‘The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.’” Then in verse 45, it says, “Then David said to the Philistine, ‘You come to me with a sword, a speak, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted.” (I wish I could have you read the next few verses because it really brings it all together, but I’m running out of room and time!) Here is my point: David relied solely on His Lord. He was facing, perhaps, one of the biggest challenges in history. The week of VBS, I saw leaders in my church rely so heavily on God to pull through and provide – I was convicted that I was not relying on Him like I should be, for everything. If we, the church, the body of Christ, would rely on God everyday like we do when times get tough, I can’t help but wonder what that would do for our city, for our world.

Obedience

Do you remember when you were little - your mom would call you by name and say, “I need you to go clean your room,” Or, “It’s time to go, let’s clean up.” It’s funny because in those moments we don’t really understand the importance of the lesson. I can recall my sisters’ voice saying to her second child, “Mallory – first time obedience.” This is a hard lesson to learn! I honestly believe that we will probably be trying to learn how to respond with first time obedience until the day we die. This is where I am currently. (Whoo-hoo!) God first brought it to my attention, my lack of first time obedience, a few Sunday’s ago when my Sunday school leader ‘surprised’ our class with an outing to Hemming Plaza. We were going to pass out breakfast and a bible to the homeless and needy. The main idea was not only to be radical but to be READY. Well – I failed. But the good thing that God brought about through that particular failure was the knowledge and understanding of obedience. When God prompts your heart – He is asking you to be obedient. When He tells you to go and do something – He’s asking you to be obedient. Obedience is a hard thing. I have recently been called to be obedient in certain areas where I have absolutely not wanted to do so. But as I thought about my options, obedience or disobedience, I realized that there was really only one choice. Jesus was obedient until the point of death. What makes me think that I am so holy that I should have to give anything less? The task God called me to do was hard. It was a mission to swallow my pride, a mission to do the right thing even though I knew it would not be received in a biblical manner. I found myself attempting to control the situation by putting it off for weeks, convincing myself that it wasn’t the right time because this certain thing was going to take place and therefore I would have to wait. (You see, apparently I forgot that my God controls all things.) But as I sat on a Wednesday night, writing out my thoughts, I realized that God was calling me to be obedient. I heard His voice. There was no doubt about what He wanted me to do. However, He never asked me to control the outcome; He just wanted me to go. I’m excited that God has given me the opportunity to learn. He has really been pressing my heart about my lack of tenacity towards sharing the gospel with the lost. I know that He is using this experience with obedience to prepare me for when that lack of tenacity turns into a slavishness towards the hopeless people that I come in contact with each and every day. “Lord, through Your grace and Your mercy – give me such a desire for You, Your word, and your World, that I may be privileged to be used by You that your Holiness and character may be known through me, a sinner.” Galatians 5:22-25 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who BELONG to Christ Jesus have CRUCIFIED the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Soirit, let us also WALK by the Spirit."

Growing Pains

This is a pretty long one, i know, I mostly wrote it for me becasue i needed to get the thoughts/reflection into words. I hope you do read it though and can get something out of it. And if you start reading you MUST continue to the end - it's like a rule! Come on! :) Grace and Peace.

God’s timing is PERFECT and He is always holy and just. The past two weeks have been rather testy but they have also offered me an exciting and tough growing experience. Better put – I’ve been having some growing pains. This entire post really ties into what I have been learning in my self-confrontation class: confronting yourself and you sin, understanding the GRACE (you know I love, love, love that word!) and MERCY of God, dealing with your selfish heart, and out of your love and understanding of God, being obedient to Him as you confront yourself in all of these areas. (Whoo! Take a breath Em!) Some of you know that I am transferring to a Baptist school in Georgia for this upcoming fall semester of school. Four-hundred miles away from my family, a six and a half hour drive, no Sonny’s, no mall, no PUBLIX, just the small town of Cleveland- population: not enough people to count….okay, so I’m way over reacting here, I know. Anyway, I plan to write about this sometime in the near future, but it has been a HUGE work of God in simply providing for me to attend TMC and an even longer road of accepting God’s will for my life. Exciting, I know! Just recently, I attended a “pre-registration/orientation” at Truett. What I had planned on being an ordinary drive up to the school, the average orientation experience, ended up being a weekend that literally changed my life. No, no – not the type of ‘experience’ you get when you return from youth camp. I’m talking about when God literally rips out of you every ounce of the nothing that you truly are and tells you to look into HIS face because He has covered all of your sins and HE is enough, for everything. It was intense. I’ll spare you the details, as I often do, but I was confronted with a situation that really tested my emotions, nagged at my spirit, and crushed my sense of self. This was a good thing – you’ll see. The situation was not pretty. It was one of the most out of the blue experiences I have ever faced in my life and was definitely something I wouldn’t recommend for any of you. As soon as the situation came to my attention I was faced with anger, selfishness, pride and a load of other self-centered emotions. As it continued to surface – I began to realize that all of these emotions, actions, thoughts and feelings were doing me absolutely no good. There was no argument, there was no winner. There was me, my heart, and God. This was the team – all of our players were in the game and there were no members on the bench. I will never forget this moment. Tears POURING out of my face as I sat on the hotel bed, mom on one side, dad across the room. I was hurt. I felt as I had been the victim of a situation, forgiveness was not something I wanted and restoration – the very thought made me want to throw up. But something inside of me knew that wasn’t the answer.(aka. JESUS) I asked my parents about forgiveness. I didn’t want to but I knew that if I was going to be obedient to Christ, forgiveness was something I had to get straightened out in my own heart immediately. If I was going to be obedient to the word of God and DENY myself, take up my cross and follow Him, restoration was something that I needed to aim for immediately. (Matthew 5:23-24) I confronted myself with the truth (Matthew 7:1-5) and got my heart straightened out. As we sat there and lifted our voices to God – the presence of the Lord was amazing. As I prayed I was reminded that the situation, the exact moment did not take God by surprise. I was reminded of Paul as I prayed – how he counted it as gain to suffer for the cause of Christ. My suffering was nothing in comparison to Paul’s and I feel almost sacrilegious for comparing it to Christ’s suffering on earth – but Jesus was accused, beaten, spat upon and hated. When He was in the garden, he asked His Father to let this cup pass but He prayed for His Father’s will instead of His own. This is where I felt the comparison I suppose. I did not want to do what He wanted me to do. But out of an obedience and love for the one who sacrificed for me – the choice was simple, there was only one option: love and forgiveness. My heart was tested, my obedience was tested. The result – not a ‘mountain top’ experience, the situation isn’t even resolved. But there is love in my heart and God has grown me and changed me and conformed me closer, oh – but still so far, to the image of His Son. (Amazing…) A shout out to my mom and dad for giving great Godly wisdom and advice.

Sin: That Dirty Devil

Ahhh! Finally, some writing time; (Forgive my rambunctious thoughts as they may jump around a bit!) A few weeks ago my Aunt was praying as we opened up a work meeting. We always begin our meetings in a time of scripture reading and prayer time. I love this! She began to tell a story that made me think in a HUGE way. It’s a bit graphic in some ways, but so powerful. It went somewhat like this: Imagine a couple working out in their yard one afternoon. It’s hot, a bit steamy outside. Their six year old child wanders out into the yard playing on his newly greased scooter. (Man, can he go FAST!) All of a sudden a car drives by and pulls up to the side of the driveway. A masked man jumps out with a knife in his hands. He approaches the child, slits his throat, drops the knife, runs back into his getaway car and then he’s gone. As the two parents scramble over to their baby boy, lying lifeless in the grass, pain and agony flush their dumbfounded faces. But what about the knife? What do you think the parents would have done with the knife? Would they have taken it inside, cleaned their child’s blood off of the sharp blade, place it above the mantle place where all could see? Would they show it off with pride when company was over and say, “THIS is the knife that cut our baby! Isn’t it wonderful?” NO! They would hate that knife. They would destroy it and want nothing to do with it. The same goes for our sin. We should hate the sin in our life. We shouldn’t cling to it and store it away. Just as God hates our sin, so should we. This is definitely an emotional story. Even as I have re-written it out for all of you to read, feelings of anger, sadness, and hopelessness have all come and gone. (Poor little boy…and I hate that knife.) Something that God has been pointing out to me lately is that my heart and person need to be so close and intertwined with Him that His plans become my plans. What God wants for me, I want for me. Whatever His dreams for me are, I want those to be my ambitions. God hates my sin – and so should I. Just like that knife – that’s my sin to God. It creeps up, like a lion, seeking to destroy me. (1 Peter 5:8) "God may I be reminded of how sinful I am and how wonderful Your GRACE is." Don’t let Satan convince you that your sin isn’t a big deal – it’s a big enough deal to put Jesus on a cross.

Who Is This Guy?

I’m reading a book called, Dug Down Deep, by Joshua Harris. My dad had been reading the book and when he was finished he passed it down to me. I LOVE to read but I don’t read near as often as I would like. (Even my brain eggs me to read more; Silly brain.) This is a great book and I would recommend it to everyone. It’s a great picture, well, not so much a picture but more of a guide or an outline of how important it is to know the theology of the faith centered on Jesus Christ. I was reading a chapter that was dealing with how miniscule and in lack our perception and understanding of God really is. There is no way I can give justice to the authors thoughts on this matter so I will most likely be typing out several of his words as well as a few of my own. “Once, as I was shopping in a mall, I noticed a woman working at a kiosk that sold beads or jewelry. She had no customers. She was leafing through a magazine. And I had a strong sense that I should go talk to her about God. Trying to be bold, I walked up and said, ‘Excuse me, but I just felt that I was to tell you that God loves you.’ She looked up from her magazine with the most bored, disinterested expression imaginable, raised one eyebrow, and said, ‘I know that,’ and immediately turned back to her magazine.” Joshua Harris goes on to say that so many people take lightly the idea of God loving them; and not only the idea of His love – but who He is in His entirety. As he attempted to “lightly” touch on the subject of God and His holiness, I really began to think. When I pray and tell God I love Him – do I know with whom I am calling upon? When I drive throughout the wonderful and exciting city of Jacksonville, do I realize who I am speaking to? Do I have the proper understanding of God or am I simply caught up in my, oh so lovely, stick to the plan, routine? I have begun to realize that so often when I carry on a conversation with God it most likely sounds like a conversation I would have with a good friend. (Obviously, you know it’s a little different than speaking with a friend…); Almost as if I am speaking to someone…like myself. This IS the problem. God is NOTHING like me. As Mr. Harris put it, “I behold a God who is utterly and wonderfully different from me.” Still not convinced of my point? Or maybe you just don’t see it clear enough. Well, let me give you some scripture. I am created while God is the creator. (Gen.1:1) Unlike God, who is eternal, I have a beginning. God has no end and He has no beginning. He has always existed and will exist long after we are ALL gone. (Psalm 90:2) Acts 17:24-25 says, God “does not live in temples made by man, nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.” We are dependent beings. We need food and water…sleep and some activity and excitement every now and then. “God is self-existent. He does not rely on anything outside Himself. He has life in Himself and draws His unending energy from himself." He doesn’t need us, or anything. Job 4:24 declares of God’s omnipresence. I’m working on it but I haven’t figured out how to be in 2 places as once yet. God is omnipotent and-all knowing. He knows all things. He doesn’t have to ask for help when it comes to math problems, He doesn’t need a Magellan to figure out directions. Jeremiah 32:17 declares that NOTHING is too difficult for God and Hebrews 4:13 talks of how nothing is hidden from the Lord’s sight. I realize, for those of you who have read the entire page that this is a lot of information. But think about it: We do not consider God to be who He truly is. He is God. Do you understand that this same God who is all of these things, perfect in power and strength, Creator of the universe, loves you!? This baffles me and I can hardly grasp this. God…loves me; A sinner. There is such a HUGE difference between my finite body and the amazing, holy, presence of the eternal God. “Forgive me Lord when I fail to give you the respect and honor that You are due.” I urge you to take a step back and look into your life – how are you treating God? Is He getting the respect from you, His child, which He deserves?

How's Your Salvation Looking?

Salvation; what exactly does it mean when someone declares to you that they are indeed “saved?” It was made very clear to me, as of recently, that there are many individuals who have entirely different understandings of the word and in essence its’ true meaning. There is a verse in the Bible that talks about when Jesus makes his triumphant return to earth and raptures His people, there will be many individuals left behind who will be baffled and in a state of shock because they thought they had already purchased their one way, no refund ticket to heaven. It was made even more clear to me that many of those who will be standing with their mouth agape and that, “dazed, get me out of here” face, will be the very ones who sit on the pews every Sunday morning and Wednesday night. You may be thinking, “What in the world is this crazy girl talking about!?” Just give me a minute and hold your horses.  My Sunday school teacher had touched on this topic during our time this past Sunday morning. I was very convicted by it because I realized that I had been viewing salvation and repentance in an unbiblical, if you will, manner. Have you ever experienced a type of brokenness over your sin? Have you been sick to your stomach after you experienced a brief moment of how filthy you truly are? Repentance is a funny thing. You can be sorry but that doesn’t make you repentant of your sin. As I listened intently to the words that were being spoken my mind began to rumble as I examined my own life and my claim of repentance. (I did review my thinking and have my thoughts, heart, and devotion in check. It is never a bad thing to examine yourself spiritually – the Bible calls us to examine our lives and make sure we are walking the right way.) As I continued to dwell on the words that were being spoken, it hit me like a brick. People from my church will be left behind when Jesus comes back because they were never truly repentant over their sins. These people think that they are saved. They said a prayer, they went to church, they go to Sunday school and they even read verses or pray when called upon. But that doesn’t make them a person who is truly repentant. I believe that sometimes we don’t put enough emphasis on what true salvation is - which is a rescue boat ready to take us away from sin and God’s eternal judgment. You may even read your Bible and memorize scripture but until you become broken over your sin, throw it into God’s hands and hand over your mess, the life you’re living in the name of “Jesus” may not be what you have convinced yourself it is. My heart is saddened because I hope that no one I love is in this stage of life. God desires to draw us by His goodness to repentance. I am disgusted at myself. I am a sinner. I am filthy and vile, unworthy, selfish, and broken; which makes the grace of God all the more sweet! If you haven’t experienced brokenness and a true repentant heart I urge you to check it out. 2 Corinthians 7:9-11 says, “Now I rejoice, not that you were made sorry, but that your sorrow led to repentance. For you were made sorry in a godly manner, that you might suffer loss from us in nothing. For godly sorrow sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death. For observe this very thing that you sorrow in a godly manner: What diligence it produced in you, what clearing of yourselves, what indignation, what fear, what vehement desire, what zeal, what vindication! In all things you proved yourself to be clear in this matter.” This is a life and death matter. If you claim “life” – it may be a good time to head to the shop for that tune up. Make sure you are living what you claim to be living. Let the love and goodness of God lead you to love others.

One of A Kind

I know I say this just about every time I write something – but man! What a week it has been. Sunday night I was attending an employee dinner at Al’s pizza. (yumm!) What a nice treat. We hallmark employees put up with a lot: robbers, silly band crazies, obnoxious older women who pitch fits when asked for their ID, regular customers who steal precious moments…am I being negative!?  Hallmark really is a wonderful place to work, (I mean this with the utmost respect to men, women, and children of all ages) but sometimes people can be a little wacko. (I am SURE I have witnesses to attest for when I have gone nutty a time or two.) I was sitting next to my darling Fabiola, enjoying my calzone, (you can be sure Fabs was enjoying hers right along with me) when I got a disturbing text message. My sister informed me that the A.D. at my high school had had a heart attack. Obviously, those of you who know me would probably guess I went into a stage of panic. Well SURPRISE, SURPRISE, I actually stayed rather calm about the entire thing. I was confused as to where my sister got her information and tried to contact SEVERAL people who may have known more information than she did. Text, after text, after text….after text; (Okay – I admit it. This is where the millisecond of panic crept its way in.) I eventually got a phone call where the participant on the other end of the line began to explain to me that Coach had had a heart attack while in Virginia visiting family. They doctors tried a stint – it failed. The situation was not a good one and there wasn’t much they could do. Of course I didn’t fully understand the situation but I knew that odds were not in his favor.(Which is why I’m glad I serve a God who continually defies the odds!) Coach Richardson is more than my high school’s athletic director. He is more than a teacher and more than an employee at my high school. Coach is a man I hold in high regard and treasure deep in my heart; a man that I love in Jesus, and a man that has encouraged me, lifted me up, been an example to me, and loved me in Jesus. To understand anything about this man – you’ve just got to know him. I “feel sorry” for those of you who don’t know him because there is NO other person on the face of the earth who would ever come close to being a man like Coach. He is crazy and hilarious, serious and sometimes scary. All in all he’s one giant bucket of love. But the best thing about him, and what I genuinely think of when I think of him is this: he’s a man who loves God. He loves students and athletes and has such a STRONG desire to build their character, and even more so to make sure they have a PERSONAL relationship with Jesus. Coach inspires me in so many ways because he doesn’t care what people think of him; he just wants to share Jesus with you. He won’t shove Him down your throat but he wants you to know that if you are rejecting Him that you realize what you’re doing. The past 2 days I have been praying non stop for this man. I so WISH he was not in Virginia because I feel like if he was here I could do something…anything. (I know, I couldn’t do a thing other than what I’m doing now – praying.) But I wish I could just tell him that I love him. The report I got today was that there was improvement. Apparently last night he was in a lot of pain and the doctors were having to try and calm him down.(so hard for me to imagine) The doctors were going to try a certain type of medicine and see if it would help. I’m praying and thanking God for all that Coach has meant to me and to all the people whose lives God has used him to impact. As I sit here and think about this entire ordeal – I’m reminded that God knew this was going to happen. It happened in VA. for a reason; God has a purpose in it all. I’m pretty sure I can place a safe bet on this statement: Coach would want this to be used as an example to all of his students, all of his players: to remind them that life is short…it’s fragile and you never know when God may decide to take you from this place. So for those people who are playing “Christian,” you may want to re-evaluate the game you’re playing. “Love you, Coach!”

Contentment

Well, I believe it’s been about a week since I’ve taken the time to capture my thoughts and spew them out of my mind; but in that week, God has shown me a lot of things about myself. I’ve been attending a class on Wednesday nights at my church, (FBC), called Self Confrontation. I know I have mentioned this before, but it’s been an area of my life that I have, in some aspects, been “consumed” with. The name speaks for itself – I have been learning to CONFRONT the sin in my OWN life…a very dangerous and disgusting thing to do. Within the past week, the majority of the things God has chosen to show me and teach me have been in regards to DEALING with the sin I harbor in my life. God has really taken the past week to beat into my head how much I NEED Him, His mercy, and His grace. (Ahh, I love that word: grace – God’s unmerited favor.  ) Something I have been dealing with personally is decisions: decisions I have to make to die to myself and the decision to learn to deal with decisions others make. I was reading a lesson in chapter 14 of my Self Confrontation book about marriage. You may be wondering why I was reading a chapter that deals with marriage. Well, the first reason is due to the fact that this particular chapter is the one that comes after the chapter I had just finished reading. The second reason is because whether I’m married or not, which I’m not, what reason is there to not dig into the Word of God and seek out what He says about marriage and the roles the husband and the wife are to play? Exactly…I couldn’t think of a good one either – so that’s why I’m reading it! As I came to the close of the chapter I came across a statement and a verse that simply captivated me and I quickly grabbed my pen and let its dark ink move beneath the words. "If you are single, you shouldn't be searching for a spouse. If the Lord has someone for you, nothing can keep you from meeting your future spouse. You NEVER need to look. Instead you are to focus on serving the Lord with all your heart. In the process of SERVING the Lord, He may lead you to the one who is to be your husband or wife. But you are not to have that search be the focus of your life. You are to be CONTENT in the circumstances into which God has placed you and delight in serving the Lord with all your energy." The reason this stuck out to me was because it seems within the past 6 months of my life I could name off about 10 people who have been so set on having that, “special person,” in their lives and make it seem like their life won’t be complete until they have them. It appears to me that the more we try to look for the person God has chosen for us, the more discontent we become. I will end with this: Philippians 4:11, “Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am.” I love how the statement from the book said that “In the process of SERVING THE LORD,” He may lead us to the right person we are to spend our lives with. Are you content in your circumstances? Jesus Christ is enough – no matter how sunken you ship may be. Trust Him, Love Him, and LET Him be ENOUGH.

Songs and Sinners

Romans 6:12-13, “Therefore, do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts, and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God.”

Ahh – the sweet release of thoughts and emotions as they hurl themselves out of my head! It has been too long since I have taken the time to write or type out my thoughts. To say I have been busy would be the truest of understatements. So many things have been on my mind lately – things I have wanted to write about for my own personal benefit but more so to encourage those of you who are reading this. I was privileged to attend a Beth Moore conference in April that was hosted at my sister’s church in Tampa. The added time with my sisters, mom, nieces, nephew, AND brother-in-law was icing on the cake! (The list continues to grow!) Beth Moore is a phenomenal speaker who has tremendous insight into the Scriptures. How I hope to one day be used by God in a like manner that He has so graciously used her. Before I really begin digging into what I want to share with you, there are a few things you should know: The first being I LOVE to sing. I may not be the best at it, but let me tell you…if you pass me on the streets of Jacksonville – you can be sure my mouth will be moving to the beat of my ipod or radio. I am so thankful that God has given me a love for words; and I love to sing when the song is giving testimony of God’s grace, mercy, and power. The second thing you need to know is that I am not an avid tear dropper. No, I’m not cold hearted but I usually don’t cry at the drop of a hat; now onto my story. (Excuse my delay…as you can see my lack of tears is made up for with my abundance of words!) There was a very large crowd the first night of the conference. The auditorium was filled to the brim with women from the last seat in the balcony to the first row of pews. What a marvelous picture: a gathering together of believers, all in Jesus’ name, there for a sole purpose: to hear a word from God. The picture gets even greater when that very same crowd begins to sing songs of praise and adoration to our King! Hang in there; this is where the entire point of this rant all comes together. 3 songs that we sang that really allowed me to view what I was singing in a different light: Victory in Jesus, Strong and Mighty Tower, and In Christ Alone. As we began to sing these songs several emotions began to fill up within me to the point I was overwhelmed and convicted by the Holy Spirit. As I stood, surrounded by family and friends, the beautiful voices of God’s children were blaring honor to His name. Praises and words of adoration were catapulted to the roof all in His name. As the sweet sound echoed throughout my head, the only word I could think of was Heaven. To me, this, so miniscule and obviously puny, was a picture of Heaven. The sound filled my ears and I decided that this VERY sound was my favorite of ALL sounds. Why shouldn’t it be? As we moved into the next few songs and I sang the words, “Your name, is a strong and mighty tower, Your name is a shelter like no other, Your name, let the Nations sing it louder, nothing has the power to save, but Your name.,” the holy spirit immediately convicted me and tears filled my eyes and I began to cry. Overwhelmed? Excited? Rejoicing? Why would I be feeling depressed just after I said I caught a glimpse of Heaven? Broken, ashamed, and saddened by my sin. That’s where the tears came from. Listen guys, we are sinners. We are saved by the grace of God, if we so choose to accept Him, but we are still sinners. (Saved by grace!) I believe that we get so wrapped up in minimizing our sin that we forget that it was STILL our sin that placed Jesus on that Cross! Why doesn’t our sin place a burden on our hearts? When is the last time you found yourself in tears because of your sin? I dare to say that for so many, just like me, it is far less often than it should be. It’s time to hit the floor with our knees and THANK God for His grace…His unmerited favor. Let your sin bring you to tears. Because just like me, I’m guessing it’s about time they did.

How's Your Endurance?

Where to begin, where to begin; God is good; and that’s always a good starting place. For some insane reason, I allowed my cousins and dad to talk me into waking up at 5:20 this morning to go to the YMCA for some good ole’, competitive basketball. I’m still trying to figure out why I allowed myself to be persuaded to such things. Ahh…family fun – of course and perhaps the breakfast afterwards pulled some weight in that decision. As we started to play our game of 3 on 2, the Eppling’s vs. the Grooms I began to realize something: I am 10 times more out of shape than I had originally thought. (Oh joy!) I was sucking air like it was going out of style and salivating as if there were a drought on the horizon. Eventually, the game ended, (thank goodness!), and we began the commencement of “chow down alley.” My cousin, who is also the youth pastor at FBC, was telling my dad and me how he was preaching at a Christian schools chapel this morning. For some reason, I suppose it’s due to the fact that my human nature tends to focus on SELF as often as my brain tells my body to breathe, as my dad was paying and off went my 3 wonderful family members, I thought to myself, “I hope he doesn’t find some life lesson in the fact that I was sucking air like I needed an oxygen tank and he use it as an example in his message this morning.” As soon as I began to think about it I chuckled to myself saying, “Em, what is there to even say about your lack of tenacity in the game that could be related to God and His relationship with His children?” Then it hit me: there is a BIG correlation that can be grabbed from my puny attempt on the court. I struggled out there this morning because I had been out of practice. I hadn’t run up and down a court in many, many, months – therefore I wasn’t at a place where my level of competition would be matched by the 9 year old, 13 year old…and we’ll leave the 2 old guys out of it.( Just kidding! I love my Dad and Chris!) It’s just like our relationship with God. When we are out of His word, how can we be prepared to face the battle of the day? We can’t. We MUST be wrapping ourselves in the voice of our Father and yearning to love Him more that we wish to love ourselves. It’s a conscious effort, guys. A friend said to me the other night, “Emily, you’ve always been better than me anyways.” Well, besides that being a lame excuse, (I love you, if you’re reading this), we cannot blame the fact that we are essentially satisfied at where we are on anything other than our focus on self Here are your 2 options: You either choose to sacrifice the rights to your life and live for God, denying yourself and your wants, desires, and trade your focus on self for a focus on Him, or you choose that you really do wish to live for yourself. Running is not the easiest thing to do – I hate it. But I make myself do it because I know that my body needs it. I know that I need to increase my endurance so I don’t half kill myself trying to play basketball. Just like Paul said in James 1:4, “And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

We must run so that we can build up endurance to run the race. We must stay in the Word that we may continue to be filled with the Holy Sprit and do what He wants us to do.

Satisfaction

Busy, busy, busy! At times, life really does seem like there is simply too much going on. The past month I have had a whirlwind of thoughts, emotions, and comforts. I’ve even hit a few realizations as well. (Hooray! As long as I’m learning) I suppose I’ll get started on my little rant: satisfaction. The question I really want to focus on is “What does it take for you to be satisfied?” As a Christian we should be satisfied in Christ. The beautiful hymn, It Is Well, comes to mind. That exact peace in the Lord to say it is well in the midst of terrible circumstances. (My favorite hymn!) I met up with a dear friend this past weekend. I haven’t seen in her quite sometime so it was very nice to have her company. As we chatted away we began discussing how we have really started to notice how so many self proclaimed Christians have been choosing to satisfy themselves in worldly things. I know it may not seem like a big deal, but when you begin to yearn for the things of this world you may want to take a look into your heart because I’m here to bet that something isn’t quite where it needs to be. Guys, Christ is our aim. As a Christian, why should we be longing for the attention of sin? Essentially, that’s what we are doing when we place ourselves in situations where sin will be enticing us to its luscious pleasures. But in the end, it never ceases to leave you empty, broken, and longing for more. Why even entertain the thought of having those few moments of sinful pleasure? We should be doing everything but! Praying and begging God that we never get to that point where we truly long to fall away from Him. Of course, He loves us so much that no matter what we do He will always love us, but He doesn’t always give us second chances. (I’m going to write a blog on this later. There’s a song that plays on Air 1 radio by Stellar Kart that talks about how there will always be second chances. Well, in reality – we don’t always get another chance up at bat. But, I’ll save that for another day.) We cannot abuse God’s love and so many times I believe that Christians do. We tell everyone about how much God loves us but we fail to mention His holiness and justness – without it, His love wouldn’t mean as much as it does. It breaks my heart to see so many Christians – being satisfied in their walk with God; being content in playing both roles, one at church and one at school. It’s time to be REAL. A friend of mine in high school would always say, “Let’s be real guys.” So lets! BE REAL. Don’t settle for anything or anyone. Get some convictions and stick to them – but I don’t want to hear about any of those wimpy convictions that straddle the fence. Go all out for Jesus, because He gave His ALL for you.
2 Corinthians 3:5-6, “Not that we are adequate in ourselves to consider anything as coming from ourselves, but our adequacy is from God, who also made us adequate as servants of a new covenant, not of the letter, but of the Spirit, for the letter kills but the Spirit gives life.”
Our adequacy is in Christ. Not in this world and not in the people of this world. Remember that, and claim Him as YOURS!

He is Risen!

Well, I’ve ventured to Tampa many a times; but never as the driver. It’s a quick trip, never longer than three and half hours depending on how many stops we make. Today is Easter. (He is risen! He is risen indeed! – I feel as if I must say it) After I tended to the Easter festivities with my family this afternoon I made my way down the scenic 301, I hate that road, and on to 75 so I could spend the fist half of my spring break with my sister and her family. As I was driving I found myself actually enjoying the peace and quiet. Some of you may think it’s weird, but I actually do enjoy being alone at times and as I convinced myself to enjoy the what seemed like never ending roads of 301, I had some time to reflect on what today actually means. It’s Easter – every Christian knows that Easter is the time we celebrate when Jesus conquered death and paved the way for us to go directly to the Father. Dr. Brunson really hit it home this morning. His sermons are always inspiring but this morning it was not only inspiring but refreshing and convicting as well. God has really been convicting me lately about my lack of enthusiasm for sharing the gospel. I mean, I want to, but I find a million and one excuses as to why I can’t or shouldn’t. (None of them are good enough reasons not to, by the way.) As I sat their thinking about the sermon and my lack of tenacity for sharing the gospel I kept being reminded of the one verse Mac Daddy Brunson (I say that with the UPMOST respect) touched on this morning. Luke 24: 11-12. “But these words appeared to them as nonsense, and they would not believe them. But Peter got up and ran to the tomb; stooping and looking in, he saw the linen wrappings only; and went away to his home, marveling at what had happened.” I don’t know about any of you but when I read this passage I see an image of Peter – running as fast as he can, darting through crowds, leaping over sticks and stumps in the road; forget the parents claim that they walked through rain, sleet, and snow so they could get to school on time or so they could change the channel. This guy was running full force because of the LOVE that he had in his heart for Jesus. I have to think – do I run to Jesus like Peter ran to see if his Savior had risen from the dead? Do I have the tenacity to hear His words or be reminded of His truths and immediately get up and RUN to carry out the message of Christ? Peter stooped and looked into the tomb. He didn’t stop a mile away when he saw the huge stone had been rolled away. I know what I’m saying is a different way of looking at the verses, but my aim is this – where are you and the gospel? Too many of us Christians operate our lives in this small little bubble that we convince ourselves that we don’t need to share the gospel. “Sure it’s needed, but let someone else who knows more lost people do it.” Our lack of tenacity for the gospel should break our hearts and make us sick. Guys, Jesus is RISEN. There is a lost, dead, and dying world that needs to know there is VICTORY in death and VICTORY over sin through Jesus Christ. Who is Jesus to you? Is He your ticket to heaven, some guy you talk about in church, your Shield, your Father? He’s ALIVE and He’s God’s Son. We have got to start sharing His love, His nature, and His justness with the world. Pray for the courage of the believers – to take a stand and share Jesus. Happy Easter – He is RISEN, He is risen INDEED!

What's in your cup?

God has really been teaching me a lot lately. (Go figure ;)) It’s amazing how much you can learn when you simply purpose in your heart to not only see God’s hand in every aspect of life but vow to learn from what He reveals to you. What I’m about to share with you completely knocked me upside the head when I first read it. “When a cup full of water is shaken, water spills out. When a cup full of milk is shaken, milk spills out. Why water out of one, and milk out of the other? Because only what is in the cup can come out when it is shaken. If a person is full of anger, anger spills out when he is shaken. It is not legitimate to say, ‘He made me angry,’ since no one and no circumstance can make a person angry. Angry reactions ONLY REVEAL what is in the heart ALREADY.” Pretty deep, right? Yet it’s so simple. When we react to circumstances with anger we are revealing what is in our hearts! Our hearts are so filthy. They are deceitful and we cannot know our hearts – only God can. I was faced with a situation just last night that really boggled my intentions of spilling out love, patience, and Christ-likeness when knocked over. When my cup was spilled – out came rapidly flowing: anger, bitterness, the past…and self pity. As I sat their sulking, tears rolling, I immediately knew that I had just failed the test. All that God had been teaching and showing me for the past week; even though I had listened and prayed for the opportunity; as soon as it came and went, I knew I had missed it. That’s what hurt most of all. I had been so consumed with mySELF and how I was feeling that I REFUSED to swallow my pride and arrogance and just sit still. In case you didn’t know, I have major issues when it comes to being still. (No, I don’t have ADHD…I don’t think) Often times we purpose in our hearts to learn something, we try extremely hard to get it right the first time, we map out a plan for success, but I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t work that way. We cannot do anything in the power of our own strength. It is by God’s GRACE. (Oh, how I LOVE God’s grace – His UNMERITED help; what joy.) On a lighter note as I plan to shift gears; what’s in your heart? When your cup is spilled, what comes out? When the wonderful drivers in Jacksonville show their true colors, how do you react? When your friends make you mad, when your sister makes a mess – what is your heart saying? If your spilled milk is making you cry might I encourage you to get in the Word of God. There is no medicine better prescribed than a heaping dose of God’s word. May you learn to have faith, love, and joy; because they are yours for the taking. Matthew 15:18 – “But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile a man.” James 1:19-20, “This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”

A little bit of me

I know what you’re thinking. “This is a REALLY long post.” I’m not too sure as to how many people read my blogs. (I am SO grateful for those of you who do) I’m going to get a little personal with you guys so hold on tight…it should be an EXCITING ride. I can see your eyes being filled with excitement and wonder as I speak. Hah…okay. I thought I would give you a little insight as to where I am at this current stage of my life. Some of you may know that I am currently praying about transferring schools for this next fall semester. It’s been a long road of praying and seeking out God’s will – and a journey that will continue for the rest of my life. I recently had to write an essay which was required for applying for a certain scholarship. It briefly shares my testimony and why I wish to pursue a Christian education. I know not too many of you actually know why I am planning on transferring schools so I thought I would briefly share my heart with you…just because. I hope it will allow you to gather some information about where I am and hopefully allow you to pray for me as I begin to make this GINORMOUS transition in my life – because I know it will test me and try me. Yes, I know it’s rather lengthy – I wrote it. A little background information: this was for a student leadership scholarship. I was required to give my personal testimony, explain why I wished to pursue a Christian education, and explain my value of and experience in leadership. Enjoy 


There is more to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ than simply accepting Him. When you encounter Jesus – He changes your life; permanently. So many Christians lose sight of their purpose in Christ. He calls us to take up our cross daily. “And He was saying to them all, If any one wishes to come after Me he must deny Himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.”(Luke 9:23-34) What a great example of leadership – someone willing to die to themselves for the sake of Christ. This is a calling that God beckons to each of His children.

When I was eight years old, the pastor of my church passed away. We attended Dr. Lindsey’s funeral and as Dr. Vines, the associate pastor, was talking about heaven, my mind began to wander and I decided that I wanted to go there someday. When we got home, I began to ask my mom questions about heaven and what exactly happened to Dr. Lindsey when he died. As I sat there listening to my mothers narrative presentation of the Gospel, the Lord began to water the seed. I had grown up in the church my entire life. I knew the verses and I loved the stories; but on that day, I began to understand all that I had “known,” on a personal level. I knelt next to my mom, beside my bed, and prayed and asked Jesus Christ to come into my heart. Since then, my life has been full of joys, stumbles, excitements, and heart aches. But that’s what a walk with Jesus Christ is all about. I was in the eighth grade when God really began to grip a hold of my heart and that’s when I first began an intimate relationship with Him. My youth pastor had inspired me to dig into Gods word for myself and discover all the marvelous truths He had for me. I began a personal devotion time with God, and since then I have never been the same. I committed myself to do whatever God asked me to do, to go wherever He asked me to go. I found out later that that is easier said than done. During my junior year of High school God really decided to test my commitment to Him. I came to the conclusion that God wanted me to prepare myself to go away to school after I graduated. I eventually accepted the proposition and almost immediately met it with strife and opposition. Satan was after me and I caused myself to stumble. To make a long story short, I refused to accept Gods will for my life and spent a year running from it. It’s amazing all that God can teach you in a years’ time. I think back on all the hardships that I essentially caused myself and have asked myself the question, “Emily, would you opt for a redo if given the opportunity?” The answer is over and over again, “No.” God has grown me in ways that I never thought possible. He has taught me to love Him and to rely on Him when all is well, and when all is chaos. He has, so gracefully, brought me to a place where I am committed to His will for my life, to a place where my heart yearns to serve Him and seek out His word. I am in love with my Savior and simply want to follow His direction in my life; I know that God will use me, and anyone for that matter, in marvelous and extraordinary ways if they commit themselves to Him. That’s what I’m doing: Loving Christ, serving others, and making a difference, all in the Name of Jesus Christ.
Why choose to pursue a Christian education? When I started at Florida State College this past Fall I knew that it was not where God wanted me. I have such an overwhelming desire to be educated by a system that not only strives for educational excellence but one that accepts God’s Word as supreme authority. There is so much more to being educated than simply learning the facts. God has given us knowledge through His word and I believe He expects us to use our knowledge for His honor and glory. I want to serve Christ with my life, through my desired occupation, and in essence my education. That’s why I want to attend a Christian college.

Leadership is something I value. It is a very important role that needs not to be taken lightly. When I was in middle school my leadership abilities were really strengthened. I learned the significance of the roll and how important it is to have strong leadership. This was then transitioned into my own life as I moved up on the totem pole and was placed in leadership positions myself. I was captain of the Varsity volleyball and basketball team for both my junior and senior year of high school. I learned that to be a good leader you have to be willing to serve. Leaders are given more responsibility and the phrase, “With great power comes great responsibility” takes on an entire new meaning. I was elected by my peers to be on the homecoming court my senior year – a position chosen based off of: personal testimony, Christian character, and leadership. I was also editor of my high school newspaper for both my junior and senior year. I have also been involved with the sports ministry program at my church – leading devotions and even coaching young girls on the basketball court.

Attending a Christian college is something I know God wants me to do. I believe He wants to use me in the lives of other Christians: writing and urging them the pursue and intimate relationship with Him, never settling for mediocrity in their walk with Christ, and never being content at where they are, but always moving forward. There is so much more to learn about life and the world we live in. I know God’s Word says it all and I want an education with a biblical foundation.

Gray Dickinson Howell

Life is precious. It is something that we take for granted each and every day. My nephew was supposed to be born today – however God had different plans for Gray Dickinson Howell. Wednesday evening I got a text from my mom during church. She had been with my sister, in Tampa, for the majority of the day. In a nut shell her message said that Amy and Andrew were on the way to the hospital. Amy hadn’t felt Gray move all day so they were going to have his heart beat checked to make sure everything was okay. As soon as I read her message – fear and worry immediately took over. In an instant, I went from being annoyed at my stupid head ache that I hadn’t taken any thing for to anxious and fearful for my nephews’ life. This is my nephew. I have longed for a boy to be in the family ever since I was old enough to know the difference between a boy and a girl. (I pray that one day God will give me a son!) Not that the fact he wasn’t a girl made me worry more – I just allowed my emotions to run wild. I began to think about my sister and brother-in-law, and how even more worried I would be if I were them. I immediately showed the text message to my dad who was sitting behind me and my eyes began to fill with tears. Why was I so worried and fearful? I was putting my trust in my self…the doctors, modern day medicine. “Emily! Hello!? Do you not know the power of the God you serve? Do you not know that life is precious to Him and He loves Gray more than I ever will?” (Keep in mind – all of this is happening within a 15 second time span) I text my mom back – trying to gather a little more information so I could piece together the facts and figure out for myself what exactly was happening. One of the very first things I did was pray: I asked God to protect Gray. I prayed that the doctors would hear his heartbeat and that he would be okay. I prayed for my sister and her husband – that they would “cast all their fears on God.” As I was “worrying” to myself, God brought to my attention Romans 8:28 – “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good, to those that love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” God spoke to me in that quiet voice and said, “Emily, trust ME.” I sent out a group text message to several of my friends. I don’t even remember thinking about who I added as a recipient to the message; I just started typing the first names that came to my head. I knew that each person I sent the message to would stop right when they received it and say a prayer. A very close friend of mine responded back and in the end of her message she said this: “May you all have peace.” As soon as I read it I thought to myself, “Why didn’t I think of that!?” (It’s a bit humorous, but that’s how it happened.) I am learning quite a few things about myself that I don’t like; in short- my sin is a bug part of the “me” I’m finding myself not too fond of. I am a very in control person – I like to know what’s going on so that I can try and figure out how to make the situation or circumstance turn out the way I THINK it should turn out – which is usually the wrong way, in case you were wondering. The night continued and the confusion of the situation only grew worse. Next think I knew – my mom was calling to say that Amy was having an emergency c-section because Gray could possibly have an infection in his lungs. He was born around 8:30 p.m. on March 10, 2010. When he was born he was not breathing on his own. (This can cause major issues, in case you didn’t know.) Thankfully, it only took him a few seconds to take that first, beloved breath. He was immediately taken to NICU (neonatal infant care unit) where he would spend, almost, the first 2 days of his life, hooked up to an IV which was administering antibiotics into his body. I got to hold him today. He’s beautiful. He has blonde hair and spectacular blue eyes. As I sat their looking into his eyes, I knew that His life was precious, a gift. How much more does Christ love us? He looks at us like that every single day: with doting eyes of love and approval, eyes filled with hope and joy of all that He longs for us to accomplish. It’s Friday; Gray gets to spend his first night with his mom and dad tonight. (My heart is beating fast and my smile is about as big as it gets) He no longer has an IV hooked into his tiny little arm; he may even get to come home tomorrow! God You are amazing. To look at this little boy – so small; knowing you formed together the very fibers of his being; you knew Him before he was even in the womb; you have wonderful plans for his life – a plan that is unique to only him. As Wavorly so uniquely put it, “I cannot stand and deny, You created life, and some live without it.” Thank you God, Father, for life through your Son. Thank You for Gray and thank You for your peace and Your providence. I am humbled and thankful for wonderful family and friends. I read my Aunt’s blog just last night – when my family became aware of the complications Gray and my sister were facing, they all immediately prayed to our Great God for His will and Gray’s safely. This immediately encouraged me. “I love our Gray family.”

Where's your focus?

Have you ever been going through something where you wondered, “What the heck is going on?” “Why is this happening to me and why my life is turning out like this?” Some words of wisdom that I have received over the years: If you don’t like where you’re headed…turn around. Simple, huh? maybe too simple. I remember a time in my life where I asked myself the same question. I didn’t like where I was headed and I wanted to change it. It took a while to get my wheels turning in the right direction, but I did it. Rather, God did it. I have also found throughout my many years of life, (that would be sarcasm) that I will attempt to read the mind of my infinite Father. We all come across temptations and trials; as I would approach these dirty devils I would attempt to uncover their true intentions. What was the motive behind this difficulty I was soon to be facing? Was it a test from God or was it a trap from Satan? (Oh, to simply trust God in all things would grant life a sweeter fragrance.) I was doing my devotion last night and came across something that really screamed my name. (Not literally, come on now. It was simply something that “jumped” out at me and said, “Hey, you need to hear this.”) “Every circumstance is a test from God or is used by our fleshly desires or Satan as a temptation to sin. So in every difficulty, your choice is either to stand firm and grow in Christlikeness or to sin and suffer the consequences. To respond biblically to the circumstance, do not focus on trying to discover if it is a test or temptation. Rather, focus on pleasing God in every circumstance.” I am going to implore you to read the last quotation once more; maybe even twice. That is some deep stuff. God has been really teaching me a lot about myself lately and how to handle and overcome certain sins in my life. (Ooohhh, yes, we all have sins in our life…go work on yours :) I’ll spare you the agonizing yet exciting details and jump straight to the point.  I have failed miserably in regards to dealing with the opportunity to deal with this area in my life. It’s a relational issue and let’s just say, I haven’t exactly been the image of Christ. (Which I should be) Instead of me trying to figure out what the deal is, why there’s a problem to begin with, how I’m supposed to fix it and why the other person isn’t doing their part, I should be focusing on pleasing the Lord. Sounds so simple right!? That’s because …it is. Imagine that. All God asks of us is be obedient. When those tests…temptations…attacks from Satan, whatever they are come, focus on pleasing God whether it is in your words, actions, or even your thoughts. Love others the way Christ loves us.