Gray Dickinson Howell

Life is precious. It is something that we take for granted each and every day. My nephew was supposed to be born today – however God had different plans for Gray Dickinson Howell. Wednesday evening I got a text from my mom during church. She had been with my sister, in Tampa, for the majority of the day. In a nut shell her message said that Amy and Andrew were on the way to the hospital. Amy hadn’t felt Gray move all day so they were going to have his heart beat checked to make sure everything was okay. As soon as I read her message – fear and worry immediately took over. In an instant, I went from being annoyed at my stupid head ache that I hadn’t taken any thing for to anxious and fearful for my nephews’ life. This is my nephew. I have longed for a boy to be in the family ever since I was old enough to know the difference between a boy and a girl. (I pray that one day God will give me a son!) Not that the fact he wasn’t a girl made me worry more – I just allowed my emotions to run wild. I began to think about my sister and brother-in-law, and how even more worried I would be if I were them. I immediately showed the text message to my dad who was sitting behind me and my eyes began to fill with tears. Why was I so worried and fearful? I was putting my trust in my self…the doctors, modern day medicine. “Emily! Hello!? Do you not know the power of the God you serve? Do you not know that life is precious to Him and He loves Gray more than I ever will?” (Keep in mind – all of this is happening within a 15 second time span) I text my mom back – trying to gather a little more information so I could piece together the facts and figure out for myself what exactly was happening. One of the very first things I did was pray: I asked God to protect Gray. I prayed that the doctors would hear his heartbeat and that he would be okay. I prayed for my sister and her husband – that they would “cast all their fears on God.” As I was “worrying” to myself, God brought to my attention Romans 8:28 – “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good, to those that love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” God spoke to me in that quiet voice and said, “Emily, trust ME.” I sent out a group text message to several of my friends. I don’t even remember thinking about who I added as a recipient to the message; I just started typing the first names that came to my head. I knew that each person I sent the message to would stop right when they received it and say a prayer. A very close friend of mine responded back and in the end of her message she said this: “May you all have peace.” As soon as I read it I thought to myself, “Why didn’t I think of that!?” (It’s a bit humorous, but that’s how it happened.) I am learning quite a few things about myself that I don’t like; in short- my sin is a bug part of the “me” I’m finding myself not too fond of. I am a very in control person – I like to know what’s going on so that I can try and figure out how to make the situation or circumstance turn out the way I THINK it should turn out – which is usually the wrong way, in case you were wondering. The night continued and the confusion of the situation only grew worse. Next think I knew – my mom was calling to say that Amy was having an emergency c-section because Gray could possibly have an infection in his lungs. He was born around 8:30 p.m. on March 10, 2010. When he was born he was not breathing on his own. (This can cause major issues, in case you didn’t know.) Thankfully, it only took him a few seconds to take that first, beloved breath. He was immediately taken to NICU (neonatal infant care unit) where he would spend, almost, the first 2 days of his life, hooked up to an IV which was administering antibiotics into his body. I got to hold him today. He’s beautiful. He has blonde hair and spectacular blue eyes. As I sat their looking into his eyes, I knew that His life was precious, a gift. How much more does Christ love us? He looks at us like that every single day: with doting eyes of love and approval, eyes filled with hope and joy of all that He longs for us to accomplish. It’s Friday; Gray gets to spend his first night with his mom and dad tonight. (My heart is beating fast and my smile is about as big as it gets) He no longer has an IV hooked into his tiny little arm; he may even get to come home tomorrow! God You are amazing. To look at this little boy – so small; knowing you formed together the very fibers of his being; you knew Him before he was even in the womb; you have wonderful plans for his life – a plan that is unique to only him. As Wavorly so uniquely put it, “I cannot stand and deny, You created life, and some live without it.” Thank you God, Father, for life through your Son. Thank You for Gray and thank You for your peace and Your providence. I am humbled and thankful for wonderful family and friends. I read my Aunt’s blog just last night – when my family became aware of the complications Gray and my sister were facing, they all immediately prayed to our Great God for His will and Gray’s safely. This immediately encouraged me. “I love our Gray family.”