Worshipping

It has been a CRAZY few days, and that’s putting it nicely! I’m adapting to life without my mom and dad, my sisters, my bed, my dogs… what a rough life.  I am so thankful for this school. Truett-McConnell College has already blessed my heart and I attribute every ounce of that blessing to the fact that God has willed and allowed me to be here. Today was our first chapel day. Dr. Canter spoke and it was definitely a word from the Lord; convicting and inspiring. He spoke of the Prodigal son in a way I had never heard it told before. He focused on the father and used his actions as a picture of the gospel and evangelism. We have an amazing ‘chapel’ band who aided us in some extraordinary worship – it was divine, that’s the only word I can think of to accurately describe what it was. Throughout the past few days of orientation we have been privileged, as a school, to worship together at various times and places. I felt so at home when I looked around me and saw all the students, about my age…some older and some younger, worshiping and praising our Farther in Heaven for His work in each of our individual lives. I literally thought to myself, ‘Where have all of you been?’ It has been an answer to prayer to be around people who truly love the Lord. (Not that any of you back in J-vile aren’t…it’s been a burden on my heart for quite some time and God really blessed me when He placed me here at TMC.) Today at chapel God really burdened my heart during our worship time. Those of you who know me know that I am not a publicly emotional person. Well, as we began to sing songs of praise to our God, who sits on the throne, perfect in power, holy, and full of grace, and my heart simply broke. The wall of ‘toughness’ came down and tears began to roll down my face as I sang. It was one of those moments that I think I will remember for the rest of my life. God burdened and broke my heart as I worshiped and I was in complete awe of Him; His very name. I was overwhelmed by His grace and faithfulness in my life. I was taken back by His divine providence and protection He has placed on me for the past 19 years. My birthday is today – the big 19! Whoop whoop!  My cousin texted me this morning right before we stood up to sing to wish me a happy birthday and he told me he hoped I was having a lot of fun and a great time. That meant so much to me. I don’t know why it did – but God used it to absolutely bless my heart. As I was singing I was again overwhelmed at how blessed I was to have such a wonderful family. Throughout the entire service, even during the invitation, I experienced worship. I thought the tears had stopped rolling but the waterworks just kept on leaking. God’s grace and mercy…there are no words to accurately describe the two. And if there are words I certainly could not give them proper credit. Even this very moment I am captivated by God’s love for me. Sometimes we forget how much of nothing we are without Him. We forget that our sin separates us completely from Him and that without His grace and mercy in our lives we would be dead, without Him. Remember that and remember to worship Him. Don’t ever take the opportunity to worship for granted.

Hero

Every now and then I will find myself lying on the couch, engrossed in some new movie or driving around Jacksonville, intently listening to some new music that’s playing on Air 1 Radio. As many of you already know, I am guilty of singing while I’m driving…more than guilty. If there was such a thing as double guilty – that’d be me. It must have been about a month ago that I hopped in my car to drive somewhere, who knows where… because I sure can’t remember. It was hot; my air was on full blast blowing my 09’ tassel around like it was in the middle of a Tornado. (Which I just recently took down by the way. I figured it was time to move on from good ole’ high school… ;) As I was focused on why my air was not cooling fast enough to meet my immediate concern of heat exhaustion, suddenly, I heard something that made all the little and insignificant thoughts I was having cease. These were the words that immediately drowned out my own voice:

“There He goes – a hero
A Savior to the world.
Here he stands with Scars in His hands.
With love He gave His life
So we could be free.
The Savior of the world.”

For some reason the past few weeks I have become very sensitive and somewhat emotional when it comes to, for lack of better words, ‘moments of the heart.’ I am not a crier when it comes to heart throbbing movies or your usual tear jerker. I’m just not. But when I heard this song my heart immediately broke. Here were these words being sung that spoke of my Savior as He truly deserves to be spoken of: a Hero. I don’t know the history of this song or even who wrote it. My personal applaud to whoever did. It’s sung by a Christian band called Abandon and the song’s name is Hero. As I continued on my way I poured out my heart to God, my Hero, and begged of His forgiveness for not viewing Him as a Hero. I mean, come on, take a look at these words. If this story wouldn’t top the box offices – I give up on movies in general. This man who was famous for nothing. He was poor, dirty…normal. He had a face like all the rest yet when He told people to follow Him, they came. I won’t spoil the rest of the song for you. I hope you will scroll down to read the rest of it. I am guilty of viewing my Savior as Lord, as God, even as my Father. But I am also ‘double guilty’ of not viewing Him as a true Hero, which is what He is. Please read this song…go to youtube and listen to it. As you read and as you listen, think of the words and how powerful they are. Think of how simple the very moments the song speaks of are. This is our Savior – our Hero.

He walked the dirty streets
Famous for nothing.
He said “come follow me” and they came.
A face like all the rest.
But something was different.
The Son of God would lead the way.
And soon they all would say.

There He goes - a hero
A savior to the world.
Here He stands with scars in His hands.
With love He gave His life
so we could be free.
The Savior of the world.

He spoke with clarity
Walked across the sea.
A single word would calm the storm.
His touch could heal the sick
but He was called a hypocrite.
Laid behind the stone
His death was shortly mourned
He left the curtain torn.
He walked the dirty streets
Famous for nothing.
He said “come follow me” and they came.
A face like all the rest.
But something was different.
The Son of God would lead the way.
And soon they all would say.

There He goes a hero
A savior to the world.
Here He stands with scars in His hands.
With love He gave His life so we could be free.
The Savior of the world.

He spoke with clarity
Walked across the sea.
A single word would calm the storm.
His touch could heal the sick
but He was called a hypocrite.
Laid behind the stone
His death was shortly mourned
He left the curtain torn.

Reliance

Reliance is something I have been thinking about a LOT lately. Come to think if it, it’s more of something I’ve been subjected to watching. We all rely on something. We rely on our alarm clocks to go off in the morning, our car to get us to school and work, the pastor to preach a good sermon…the list goes on. Just last week I was ‘privileged’ to work in Vacation Bible School at my church. (I place some emphasis on the privileged part because it truly was a blessing – despite the grueling hours.) From 8 in the morning to 1 in the afternoon I was downtown, along with over 1,000 children and workers, and then from 5 in the evening to 8:30 at night, I was at the South Campus of FBC, in Ponte Vedra, helping out with the 100 kids who participated there. It was a BUSY week to say the very LEAST. The first day of VBS was a bit chaotic. An influx of children attended and caught everyone by surprise. New rooms were opened, staff members were pulled to teach classes, more cookies were to be set aside, and the list continues. What took weeks of preparation in some aspects was practically forced to be accomplished in mere hours. I recall standing at the South Campus auditorium, when Rev. Allen gave the ‘daily report’ on the previous/ current day of VBS. It was only day 2 and I was already beat, worn out, tired, and ready for the night to be over. As I stood there, almost captivated in my own selfish thoughts, the Lord grabbed my attention. Rev. Allen was rejoicing in the numbers of children that had attended and reminded everyone that without the Lords’ hand and intervention, this week wouldn’t go on. (Not as planned, anyway.) It wasn’t so much of what he said that peaked my interest, but what was behind what he said: Reliance. It doesn’t really seem like it’s that big of a deal; VBS, a lot of kids….that’s what’s supposed to happen, right? Yes, but what about in our own lives. Do we so rely on God that we admit without His intervention, it’s hopeless? Dr. Brunson said something recently that ties right along with what God has been teaching me. One Sunday morning he mentioned how he loves to ask God to do the impossible because without His hand, His movement, it won’t happen. It requires a genuine faith that God will show up. (Obviously, those are not the exact words he used, simply my best interpretation at the moment) Where are we when it comes to relying on God in every aspect of our lives? We forget, but it’s God who grants us our next breath. He is the one who takes thought of us, who gives us all that we need. Psalm 8:3-4 says, “When I consider Your heavens, the work of your fingers, The moon and the stars, which You have ordained; what is man that You take thought of him, and the son of man that You care for him?” He thinks a lot of us. As I was preparing my heart and mind to write down these words, I was trying to think of some scripture that went along with the truth of relying on God. It wasn’t hard to come up with one. 2 Samuel 17:37 says, “And David said, ‘The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and the paw of the bear, He will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.’” Then in verse 45, it says, “Then David said to the Philistine, ‘You come to me with a sword, a speak, and a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the Lord of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have taunted.” (I wish I could have you read the next few verses because it really brings it all together, but I’m running out of room and time!) Here is my point: David relied solely on His Lord. He was facing, perhaps, one of the biggest challenges in history. The week of VBS, I saw leaders in my church rely so heavily on God to pull through and provide – I was convicted that I was not relying on Him like I should be, for everything. If we, the church, the body of Christ, would rely on God everyday like we do when times get tough, I can’t help but wonder what that would do for our city, for our world.

Obedience

Do you remember when you were little - your mom would call you by name and say, “I need you to go clean your room,” Or, “It’s time to go, let’s clean up.” It’s funny because in those moments we don’t really understand the importance of the lesson. I can recall my sisters’ voice saying to her second child, “Mallory – first time obedience.” This is a hard lesson to learn! I honestly believe that we will probably be trying to learn how to respond with first time obedience until the day we die. This is where I am currently. (Whoo-hoo!) God first brought it to my attention, my lack of first time obedience, a few Sunday’s ago when my Sunday school leader ‘surprised’ our class with an outing to Hemming Plaza. We were going to pass out breakfast and a bible to the homeless and needy. The main idea was not only to be radical but to be READY. Well – I failed. But the good thing that God brought about through that particular failure was the knowledge and understanding of obedience. When God prompts your heart – He is asking you to be obedient. When He tells you to go and do something – He’s asking you to be obedient. Obedience is a hard thing. I have recently been called to be obedient in certain areas where I have absolutely not wanted to do so. But as I thought about my options, obedience or disobedience, I realized that there was really only one choice. Jesus was obedient until the point of death. What makes me think that I am so holy that I should have to give anything less? The task God called me to do was hard. It was a mission to swallow my pride, a mission to do the right thing even though I knew it would not be received in a biblical manner. I found myself attempting to control the situation by putting it off for weeks, convincing myself that it wasn’t the right time because this certain thing was going to take place and therefore I would have to wait. (You see, apparently I forgot that my God controls all things.) But as I sat on a Wednesday night, writing out my thoughts, I realized that God was calling me to be obedient. I heard His voice. There was no doubt about what He wanted me to do. However, He never asked me to control the outcome; He just wanted me to go. I’m excited that God has given me the opportunity to learn. He has really been pressing my heart about my lack of tenacity towards sharing the gospel with the lost. I know that He is using this experience with obedience to prepare me for when that lack of tenacity turns into a slavishness towards the hopeless people that I come in contact with each and every day. “Lord, through Your grace and Your mercy – give me such a desire for You, Your word, and your World, that I may be privileged to be used by You that your Holiness and character may be known through me, a sinner.” Galatians 5:22-25 says, "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. Now those who BELONG to Christ Jesus have CRUCIFIED the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Soirit, let us also WALK by the Spirit."

Growing Pains

This is a pretty long one, i know, I mostly wrote it for me becasue i needed to get the thoughts/reflection into words. I hope you do read it though and can get something out of it. And if you start reading you MUST continue to the end - it's like a rule! Come on! :) Grace and Peace.

God’s timing is PERFECT and He is always holy and just. The past two weeks have been rather testy but they have also offered me an exciting and tough growing experience. Better put – I’ve been having some growing pains. This entire post really ties into what I have been learning in my self-confrontation class: confronting yourself and you sin, understanding the GRACE (you know I love, love, love that word!) and MERCY of God, dealing with your selfish heart, and out of your love and understanding of God, being obedient to Him as you confront yourself in all of these areas. (Whoo! Take a breath Em!) Some of you know that I am transferring to a Baptist school in Georgia for this upcoming fall semester of school. Four-hundred miles away from my family, a six and a half hour drive, no Sonny’s, no mall, no PUBLIX, just the small town of Cleveland- population: not enough people to count….okay, so I’m way over reacting here, I know. Anyway, I plan to write about this sometime in the near future, but it has been a HUGE work of God in simply providing for me to attend TMC and an even longer road of accepting God’s will for my life. Exciting, I know! Just recently, I attended a “pre-registration/orientation” at Truett. What I had planned on being an ordinary drive up to the school, the average orientation experience, ended up being a weekend that literally changed my life. No, no – not the type of ‘experience’ you get when you return from youth camp. I’m talking about when God literally rips out of you every ounce of the nothing that you truly are and tells you to look into HIS face because He has covered all of your sins and HE is enough, for everything. It was intense. I’ll spare you the details, as I often do, but I was confronted with a situation that really tested my emotions, nagged at my spirit, and crushed my sense of self. This was a good thing – you’ll see. The situation was not pretty. It was one of the most out of the blue experiences I have ever faced in my life and was definitely something I wouldn’t recommend for any of you. As soon as the situation came to my attention I was faced with anger, selfishness, pride and a load of other self-centered emotions. As it continued to surface – I began to realize that all of these emotions, actions, thoughts and feelings were doing me absolutely no good. There was no argument, there was no winner. There was me, my heart, and God. This was the team – all of our players were in the game and there were no members on the bench. I will never forget this moment. Tears POURING out of my face as I sat on the hotel bed, mom on one side, dad across the room. I was hurt. I felt as I had been the victim of a situation, forgiveness was not something I wanted and restoration – the very thought made me want to throw up. But something inside of me knew that wasn’t the answer.(aka. JESUS) I asked my parents about forgiveness. I didn’t want to but I knew that if I was going to be obedient to Christ, forgiveness was something I had to get straightened out in my own heart immediately. If I was going to be obedient to the word of God and DENY myself, take up my cross and follow Him, restoration was something that I needed to aim for immediately. (Matthew 5:23-24) I confronted myself with the truth (Matthew 7:1-5) and got my heart straightened out. As we sat there and lifted our voices to God – the presence of the Lord was amazing. As I prayed I was reminded that the situation, the exact moment did not take God by surprise. I was reminded of Paul as I prayed – how he counted it as gain to suffer for the cause of Christ. My suffering was nothing in comparison to Paul’s and I feel almost sacrilegious for comparing it to Christ’s suffering on earth – but Jesus was accused, beaten, spat upon and hated. When He was in the garden, he asked His Father to let this cup pass but He prayed for His Father’s will instead of His own. This is where I felt the comparison I suppose. I did not want to do what He wanted me to do. But out of an obedience and love for the one who sacrificed for me – the choice was simple, there was only one option: love and forgiveness. My heart was tested, my obedience was tested. The result – not a ‘mountain top’ experience, the situation isn’t even resolved. But there is love in my heart and God has grown me and changed me and conformed me closer, oh – but still so far, to the image of His Son. (Amazing…) A shout out to my mom and dad for giving great Godly wisdom and advice.

Sin: That Dirty Devil

Ahhh! Finally, some writing time; (Forgive my rambunctious thoughts as they may jump around a bit!) A few weeks ago my Aunt was praying as we opened up a work meeting. We always begin our meetings in a time of scripture reading and prayer time. I love this! She began to tell a story that made me think in a HUGE way. It’s a bit graphic in some ways, but so powerful. It went somewhat like this: Imagine a couple working out in their yard one afternoon. It’s hot, a bit steamy outside. Their six year old child wanders out into the yard playing on his newly greased scooter. (Man, can he go FAST!) All of a sudden a car drives by and pulls up to the side of the driveway. A masked man jumps out with a knife in his hands. He approaches the child, slits his throat, drops the knife, runs back into his getaway car and then he’s gone. As the two parents scramble over to their baby boy, lying lifeless in the grass, pain and agony flush their dumbfounded faces. But what about the knife? What do you think the parents would have done with the knife? Would they have taken it inside, cleaned their child’s blood off of the sharp blade, place it above the mantle place where all could see? Would they show it off with pride when company was over and say, “THIS is the knife that cut our baby! Isn’t it wonderful?” NO! They would hate that knife. They would destroy it and want nothing to do with it. The same goes for our sin. We should hate the sin in our life. We shouldn’t cling to it and store it away. Just as God hates our sin, so should we. This is definitely an emotional story. Even as I have re-written it out for all of you to read, feelings of anger, sadness, and hopelessness have all come and gone. (Poor little boy…and I hate that knife.) Something that God has been pointing out to me lately is that my heart and person need to be so close and intertwined with Him that His plans become my plans. What God wants for me, I want for me. Whatever His dreams for me are, I want those to be my ambitions. God hates my sin – and so should I. Just like that knife – that’s my sin to God. It creeps up, like a lion, seeking to destroy me. (1 Peter 5:8) "God may I be reminded of how sinful I am and how wonderful Your GRACE is." Don’t let Satan convince you that your sin isn’t a big deal – it’s a big enough deal to put Jesus on a cross.

Who Is This Guy?

I’m reading a book called, Dug Down Deep, by Joshua Harris. My dad had been reading the book and when he was finished he passed it down to me. I LOVE to read but I don’t read near as often as I would like. (Even my brain eggs me to read more; Silly brain.) This is a great book and I would recommend it to everyone. It’s a great picture, well, not so much a picture but more of a guide or an outline of how important it is to know the theology of the faith centered on Jesus Christ. I was reading a chapter that was dealing with how miniscule and in lack our perception and understanding of God really is. There is no way I can give justice to the authors thoughts on this matter so I will most likely be typing out several of his words as well as a few of my own. “Once, as I was shopping in a mall, I noticed a woman working at a kiosk that sold beads or jewelry. She had no customers. She was leafing through a magazine. And I had a strong sense that I should go talk to her about God. Trying to be bold, I walked up and said, ‘Excuse me, but I just felt that I was to tell you that God loves you.’ She looked up from her magazine with the most bored, disinterested expression imaginable, raised one eyebrow, and said, ‘I know that,’ and immediately turned back to her magazine.” Joshua Harris goes on to say that so many people take lightly the idea of God loving them; and not only the idea of His love – but who He is in His entirety. As he attempted to “lightly” touch on the subject of God and His holiness, I really began to think. When I pray and tell God I love Him – do I know with whom I am calling upon? When I drive throughout the wonderful and exciting city of Jacksonville, do I realize who I am speaking to? Do I have the proper understanding of God or am I simply caught up in my, oh so lovely, stick to the plan, routine? I have begun to realize that so often when I carry on a conversation with God it most likely sounds like a conversation I would have with a good friend. (Obviously, you know it’s a little different than speaking with a friend…); Almost as if I am speaking to someone…like myself. This IS the problem. God is NOTHING like me. As Mr. Harris put it, “I behold a God who is utterly and wonderfully different from me.” Still not convinced of my point? Or maybe you just don’t see it clear enough. Well, let me give you some scripture. I am created while God is the creator. (Gen.1:1) Unlike God, who is eternal, I have a beginning. God has no end and He has no beginning. He has always existed and will exist long after we are ALL gone. (Psalm 90:2) Acts 17:24-25 says, God “does not live in temples made by man, nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.” We are dependent beings. We need food and water…sleep and some activity and excitement every now and then. “God is self-existent. He does not rely on anything outside Himself. He has life in Himself and draws His unending energy from himself." He doesn’t need us, or anything. Job 4:24 declares of God’s omnipresence. I’m working on it but I haven’t figured out how to be in 2 places as once yet. God is omnipotent and-all knowing. He knows all things. He doesn’t have to ask for help when it comes to math problems, He doesn’t need a Magellan to figure out directions. Jeremiah 32:17 declares that NOTHING is too difficult for God and Hebrews 4:13 talks of how nothing is hidden from the Lord’s sight. I realize, for those of you who have read the entire page that this is a lot of information. But think about it: We do not consider God to be who He truly is. He is God. Do you understand that this same God who is all of these things, perfect in power and strength, Creator of the universe, loves you!? This baffles me and I can hardly grasp this. God…loves me; A sinner. There is such a HUGE difference between my finite body and the amazing, holy, presence of the eternal God. “Forgive me Lord when I fail to give you the respect and honor that You are due.” I urge you to take a step back and look into your life – how are you treating God? Is He getting the respect from you, His child, which He deserves?