What's in your cup?

God has really been teaching me a lot lately. (Go figure ;)) It’s amazing how much you can learn when you simply purpose in your heart to not only see God’s hand in every aspect of life but vow to learn from what He reveals to you. What I’m about to share with you completely knocked me upside the head when I first read it. “When a cup full of water is shaken, water spills out. When a cup full of milk is shaken, milk spills out. Why water out of one, and milk out of the other? Because only what is in the cup can come out when it is shaken. If a person is full of anger, anger spills out when he is shaken. It is not legitimate to say, ‘He made me angry,’ since no one and no circumstance can make a person angry. Angry reactions ONLY REVEAL what is in the heart ALREADY.” Pretty deep, right? Yet it’s so simple. When we react to circumstances with anger we are revealing what is in our hearts! Our hearts are so filthy. They are deceitful and we cannot know our hearts – only God can. I was faced with a situation just last night that really boggled my intentions of spilling out love, patience, and Christ-likeness when knocked over. When my cup was spilled – out came rapidly flowing: anger, bitterness, the past…and self pity. As I sat their sulking, tears rolling, I immediately knew that I had just failed the test. All that God had been teaching and showing me for the past week; even though I had listened and prayed for the opportunity; as soon as it came and went, I knew I had missed it. That’s what hurt most of all. I had been so consumed with mySELF and how I was feeling that I REFUSED to swallow my pride and arrogance and just sit still. In case you didn’t know, I have major issues when it comes to being still. (No, I don’t have ADHD…I don’t think) Often times we purpose in our hearts to learn something, we try extremely hard to get it right the first time, we map out a plan for success, but I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t work that way. We cannot do anything in the power of our own strength. It is by God’s GRACE. (Oh, how I LOVE God’s grace – His UNMERITED help; what joy.) On a lighter note as I plan to shift gears; what’s in your heart? When your cup is spilled, what comes out? When the wonderful drivers in Jacksonville show their true colors, how do you react? When your friends make you mad, when your sister makes a mess – what is your heart saying? If your spilled milk is making you cry might I encourage you to get in the Word of God. There is no medicine better prescribed than a heaping dose of God’s word. May you learn to have faith, love, and joy; because they are yours for the taking. Matthew 15:18 – “But the things that proceed out of the mouth come from the heart, and those defile a man.” James 1:19-20, “This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.”

A little bit of me

I know what you’re thinking. “This is a REALLY long post.” I’m not too sure as to how many people read my blogs. (I am SO grateful for those of you who do) I’m going to get a little personal with you guys so hold on tight…it should be an EXCITING ride. I can see your eyes being filled with excitement and wonder as I speak. Hah…okay. I thought I would give you a little insight as to where I am at this current stage of my life. Some of you may know that I am currently praying about transferring schools for this next fall semester. It’s been a long road of praying and seeking out God’s will – and a journey that will continue for the rest of my life. I recently had to write an essay which was required for applying for a certain scholarship. It briefly shares my testimony and why I wish to pursue a Christian education. I know not too many of you actually know why I am planning on transferring schools so I thought I would briefly share my heart with you…just because. I hope it will allow you to gather some information about where I am and hopefully allow you to pray for me as I begin to make this GINORMOUS transition in my life – because I know it will test me and try me. Yes, I know it’s rather lengthy – I wrote it. A little background information: this was for a student leadership scholarship. I was required to give my personal testimony, explain why I wished to pursue a Christian education, and explain my value of and experience in leadership. Enjoy 


There is more to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ than simply accepting Him. When you encounter Jesus – He changes your life; permanently. So many Christians lose sight of their purpose in Christ. He calls us to take up our cross daily. “And He was saying to them all, If any one wishes to come after Me he must deny Himself, take up his cross daily, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.”(Luke 9:23-34) What a great example of leadership – someone willing to die to themselves for the sake of Christ. This is a calling that God beckons to each of His children.

When I was eight years old, the pastor of my church passed away. We attended Dr. Lindsey’s funeral and as Dr. Vines, the associate pastor, was talking about heaven, my mind began to wander and I decided that I wanted to go there someday. When we got home, I began to ask my mom questions about heaven and what exactly happened to Dr. Lindsey when he died. As I sat there listening to my mothers narrative presentation of the Gospel, the Lord began to water the seed. I had grown up in the church my entire life. I knew the verses and I loved the stories; but on that day, I began to understand all that I had “known,” on a personal level. I knelt next to my mom, beside my bed, and prayed and asked Jesus Christ to come into my heart. Since then, my life has been full of joys, stumbles, excitements, and heart aches. But that’s what a walk with Jesus Christ is all about. I was in the eighth grade when God really began to grip a hold of my heart and that’s when I first began an intimate relationship with Him. My youth pastor had inspired me to dig into Gods word for myself and discover all the marvelous truths He had for me. I began a personal devotion time with God, and since then I have never been the same. I committed myself to do whatever God asked me to do, to go wherever He asked me to go. I found out later that that is easier said than done. During my junior year of High school God really decided to test my commitment to Him. I came to the conclusion that God wanted me to prepare myself to go away to school after I graduated. I eventually accepted the proposition and almost immediately met it with strife and opposition. Satan was after me and I caused myself to stumble. To make a long story short, I refused to accept Gods will for my life and spent a year running from it. It’s amazing all that God can teach you in a years’ time. I think back on all the hardships that I essentially caused myself and have asked myself the question, “Emily, would you opt for a redo if given the opportunity?” The answer is over and over again, “No.” God has grown me in ways that I never thought possible. He has taught me to love Him and to rely on Him when all is well, and when all is chaos. He has, so gracefully, brought me to a place where I am committed to His will for my life, to a place where my heart yearns to serve Him and seek out His word. I am in love with my Savior and simply want to follow His direction in my life; I know that God will use me, and anyone for that matter, in marvelous and extraordinary ways if they commit themselves to Him. That’s what I’m doing: Loving Christ, serving others, and making a difference, all in the Name of Jesus Christ.
Why choose to pursue a Christian education? When I started at Florida State College this past Fall I knew that it was not where God wanted me. I have such an overwhelming desire to be educated by a system that not only strives for educational excellence but one that accepts God’s Word as supreme authority. There is so much more to being educated than simply learning the facts. God has given us knowledge through His word and I believe He expects us to use our knowledge for His honor and glory. I want to serve Christ with my life, through my desired occupation, and in essence my education. That’s why I want to attend a Christian college.

Leadership is something I value. It is a very important role that needs not to be taken lightly. When I was in middle school my leadership abilities were really strengthened. I learned the significance of the roll and how important it is to have strong leadership. This was then transitioned into my own life as I moved up on the totem pole and was placed in leadership positions myself. I was captain of the Varsity volleyball and basketball team for both my junior and senior year of high school. I learned that to be a good leader you have to be willing to serve. Leaders are given more responsibility and the phrase, “With great power comes great responsibility” takes on an entire new meaning. I was elected by my peers to be on the homecoming court my senior year – a position chosen based off of: personal testimony, Christian character, and leadership. I was also editor of my high school newspaper for both my junior and senior year. I have also been involved with the sports ministry program at my church – leading devotions and even coaching young girls on the basketball court.

Attending a Christian college is something I know God wants me to do. I believe He wants to use me in the lives of other Christians: writing and urging them the pursue and intimate relationship with Him, never settling for mediocrity in their walk with Christ, and never being content at where they are, but always moving forward. There is so much more to learn about life and the world we live in. I know God’s Word says it all and I want an education with a biblical foundation.

Gray Dickinson Howell

Life is precious. It is something that we take for granted each and every day. My nephew was supposed to be born today – however God had different plans for Gray Dickinson Howell. Wednesday evening I got a text from my mom during church. She had been with my sister, in Tampa, for the majority of the day. In a nut shell her message said that Amy and Andrew were on the way to the hospital. Amy hadn’t felt Gray move all day so they were going to have his heart beat checked to make sure everything was okay. As soon as I read her message – fear and worry immediately took over. In an instant, I went from being annoyed at my stupid head ache that I hadn’t taken any thing for to anxious and fearful for my nephews’ life. This is my nephew. I have longed for a boy to be in the family ever since I was old enough to know the difference between a boy and a girl. (I pray that one day God will give me a son!) Not that the fact he wasn’t a girl made me worry more – I just allowed my emotions to run wild. I began to think about my sister and brother-in-law, and how even more worried I would be if I were them. I immediately showed the text message to my dad who was sitting behind me and my eyes began to fill with tears. Why was I so worried and fearful? I was putting my trust in my self…the doctors, modern day medicine. “Emily! Hello!? Do you not know the power of the God you serve? Do you not know that life is precious to Him and He loves Gray more than I ever will?” (Keep in mind – all of this is happening within a 15 second time span) I text my mom back – trying to gather a little more information so I could piece together the facts and figure out for myself what exactly was happening. One of the very first things I did was pray: I asked God to protect Gray. I prayed that the doctors would hear his heartbeat and that he would be okay. I prayed for my sister and her husband – that they would “cast all their fears on God.” As I was “worrying” to myself, God brought to my attention Romans 8:28 – “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good, to those that love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” God spoke to me in that quiet voice and said, “Emily, trust ME.” I sent out a group text message to several of my friends. I don’t even remember thinking about who I added as a recipient to the message; I just started typing the first names that came to my head. I knew that each person I sent the message to would stop right when they received it and say a prayer. A very close friend of mine responded back and in the end of her message she said this: “May you all have peace.” As soon as I read it I thought to myself, “Why didn’t I think of that!?” (It’s a bit humorous, but that’s how it happened.) I am learning quite a few things about myself that I don’t like; in short- my sin is a bug part of the “me” I’m finding myself not too fond of. I am a very in control person – I like to know what’s going on so that I can try and figure out how to make the situation or circumstance turn out the way I THINK it should turn out – which is usually the wrong way, in case you were wondering. The night continued and the confusion of the situation only grew worse. Next think I knew – my mom was calling to say that Amy was having an emergency c-section because Gray could possibly have an infection in his lungs. He was born around 8:30 p.m. on March 10, 2010. When he was born he was not breathing on his own. (This can cause major issues, in case you didn’t know.) Thankfully, it only took him a few seconds to take that first, beloved breath. He was immediately taken to NICU (neonatal infant care unit) where he would spend, almost, the first 2 days of his life, hooked up to an IV which was administering antibiotics into his body. I got to hold him today. He’s beautiful. He has blonde hair and spectacular blue eyes. As I sat their looking into his eyes, I knew that His life was precious, a gift. How much more does Christ love us? He looks at us like that every single day: with doting eyes of love and approval, eyes filled with hope and joy of all that He longs for us to accomplish. It’s Friday; Gray gets to spend his first night with his mom and dad tonight. (My heart is beating fast and my smile is about as big as it gets) He no longer has an IV hooked into his tiny little arm; he may even get to come home tomorrow! God You are amazing. To look at this little boy – so small; knowing you formed together the very fibers of his being; you knew Him before he was even in the womb; you have wonderful plans for his life – a plan that is unique to only him. As Wavorly so uniquely put it, “I cannot stand and deny, You created life, and some live without it.” Thank you God, Father, for life through your Son. Thank You for Gray and thank You for your peace and Your providence. I am humbled and thankful for wonderful family and friends. I read my Aunt’s blog just last night – when my family became aware of the complications Gray and my sister were facing, they all immediately prayed to our Great God for His will and Gray’s safely. This immediately encouraged me. “I love our Gray family.”

Where's your focus?

Have you ever been going through something where you wondered, “What the heck is going on?” “Why is this happening to me and why my life is turning out like this?” Some words of wisdom that I have received over the years: If you don’t like where you’re headed…turn around. Simple, huh? maybe too simple. I remember a time in my life where I asked myself the same question. I didn’t like where I was headed and I wanted to change it. It took a while to get my wheels turning in the right direction, but I did it. Rather, God did it. I have also found throughout my many years of life, (that would be sarcasm) that I will attempt to read the mind of my infinite Father. We all come across temptations and trials; as I would approach these dirty devils I would attempt to uncover their true intentions. What was the motive behind this difficulty I was soon to be facing? Was it a test from God or was it a trap from Satan? (Oh, to simply trust God in all things would grant life a sweeter fragrance.) I was doing my devotion last night and came across something that really screamed my name. (Not literally, come on now. It was simply something that “jumped” out at me and said, “Hey, you need to hear this.”) “Every circumstance is a test from God or is used by our fleshly desires or Satan as a temptation to sin. So in every difficulty, your choice is either to stand firm and grow in Christlikeness or to sin and suffer the consequences. To respond biblically to the circumstance, do not focus on trying to discover if it is a test or temptation. Rather, focus on pleasing God in every circumstance.” I am going to implore you to read the last quotation once more; maybe even twice. That is some deep stuff. God has been really teaching me a lot about myself lately and how to handle and overcome certain sins in my life. (Ooohhh, yes, we all have sins in our life…go work on yours :) I’ll spare you the agonizing yet exciting details and jump straight to the point.  I have failed miserably in regards to dealing with the opportunity to deal with this area in my life. It’s a relational issue and let’s just say, I haven’t exactly been the image of Christ. (Which I should be) Instead of me trying to figure out what the deal is, why there’s a problem to begin with, how I’m supposed to fix it and why the other person isn’t doing their part, I should be focusing on pleasing the Lord. Sounds so simple right!? That’s because …it is. Imagine that. All God asks of us is be obedient. When those tests…temptations…attacks from Satan, whatever they are come, focus on pleasing God whether it is in your words, actions, or even your thoughts. Love others the way Christ loves us.