Growing Pains

This is a pretty long one, i know, I mostly wrote it for me becasue i needed to get the thoughts/reflection into words. I hope you do read it though and can get something out of it. And if you start reading you MUST continue to the end - it's like a rule! Come on! :) Grace and Peace.

God’s timing is PERFECT and He is always holy and just. The past two weeks have been rather testy but they have also offered me an exciting and tough growing experience. Better put – I’ve been having some growing pains. This entire post really ties into what I have been learning in my self-confrontation class: confronting yourself and you sin, understanding the GRACE (you know I love, love, love that word!) and MERCY of God, dealing with your selfish heart, and out of your love and understanding of God, being obedient to Him as you confront yourself in all of these areas. (Whoo! Take a breath Em!) Some of you know that I am transferring to a Baptist school in Georgia for this upcoming fall semester of school. Four-hundred miles away from my family, a six and a half hour drive, no Sonny’s, no mall, no PUBLIX, just the small town of Cleveland- population: not enough people to count….okay, so I’m way over reacting here, I know. Anyway, I plan to write about this sometime in the near future, but it has been a HUGE work of God in simply providing for me to attend TMC and an even longer road of accepting God’s will for my life. Exciting, I know! Just recently, I attended a “pre-registration/orientation” at Truett. What I had planned on being an ordinary drive up to the school, the average orientation experience, ended up being a weekend that literally changed my life. No, no – not the type of ‘experience’ you get when you return from youth camp. I’m talking about when God literally rips out of you every ounce of the nothing that you truly are and tells you to look into HIS face because He has covered all of your sins and HE is enough, for everything. It was intense. I’ll spare you the details, as I often do, but I was confronted with a situation that really tested my emotions, nagged at my spirit, and crushed my sense of self. This was a good thing – you’ll see. The situation was not pretty. It was one of the most out of the blue experiences I have ever faced in my life and was definitely something I wouldn’t recommend for any of you. As soon as the situation came to my attention I was faced with anger, selfishness, pride and a load of other self-centered emotions. As it continued to surface – I began to realize that all of these emotions, actions, thoughts and feelings were doing me absolutely no good. There was no argument, there was no winner. There was me, my heart, and God. This was the team – all of our players were in the game and there were no members on the bench. I will never forget this moment. Tears POURING out of my face as I sat on the hotel bed, mom on one side, dad across the room. I was hurt. I felt as I had been the victim of a situation, forgiveness was not something I wanted and restoration – the very thought made me want to throw up. But something inside of me knew that wasn’t the answer.(aka. JESUS) I asked my parents about forgiveness. I didn’t want to but I knew that if I was going to be obedient to Christ, forgiveness was something I had to get straightened out in my own heart immediately. If I was going to be obedient to the word of God and DENY myself, take up my cross and follow Him, restoration was something that I needed to aim for immediately. (Matthew 5:23-24) I confronted myself with the truth (Matthew 7:1-5) and got my heart straightened out. As we sat there and lifted our voices to God – the presence of the Lord was amazing. As I prayed I was reminded that the situation, the exact moment did not take God by surprise. I was reminded of Paul as I prayed – how he counted it as gain to suffer for the cause of Christ. My suffering was nothing in comparison to Paul’s and I feel almost sacrilegious for comparing it to Christ’s suffering on earth – but Jesus was accused, beaten, spat upon and hated. When He was in the garden, he asked His Father to let this cup pass but He prayed for His Father’s will instead of His own. This is where I felt the comparison I suppose. I did not want to do what He wanted me to do. But out of an obedience and love for the one who sacrificed for me – the choice was simple, there was only one option: love and forgiveness. My heart was tested, my obedience was tested. The result – not a ‘mountain top’ experience, the situation isn’t even resolved. But there is love in my heart and God has grown me and changed me and conformed me closer, oh – but still so far, to the image of His Son. (Amazing…) A shout out to my mom and dad for giving great Godly wisdom and advice.

Sin: That Dirty Devil

Ahhh! Finally, some writing time; (Forgive my rambunctious thoughts as they may jump around a bit!) A few weeks ago my Aunt was praying as we opened up a work meeting. We always begin our meetings in a time of scripture reading and prayer time. I love this! She began to tell a story that made me think in a HUGE way. It’s a bit graphic in some ways, but so powerful. It went somewhat like this: Imagine a couple working out in their yard one afternoon. It’s hot, a bit steamy outside. Their six year old child wanders out into the yard playing on his newly greased scooter. (Man, can he go FAST!) All of a sudden a car drives by and pulls up to the side of the driveway. A masked man jumps out with a knife in his hands. He approaches the child, slits his throat, drops the knife, runs back into his getaway car and then he’s gone. As the two parents scramble over to their baby boy, lying lifeless in the grass, pain and agony flush their dumbfounded faces. But what about the knife? What do you think the parents would have done with the knife? Would they have taken it inside, cleaned their child’s blood off of the sharp blade, place it above the mantle place where all could see? Would they show it off with pride when company was over and say, “THIS is the knife that cut our baby! Isn’t it wonderful?” NO! They would hate that knife. They would destroy it and want nothing to do with it. The same goes for our sin. We should hate the sin in our life. We shouldn’t cling to it and store it away. Just as God hates our sin, so should we. This is definitely an emotional story. Even as I have re-written it out for all of you to read, feelings of anger, sadness, and hopelessness have all come and gone. (Poor little boy…and I hate that knife.) Something that God has been pointing out to me lately is that my heart and person need to be so close and intertwined with Him that His plans become my plans. What God wants for me, I want for me. Whatever His dreams for me are, I want those to be my ambitions. God hates my sin – and so should I. Just like that knife – that’s my sin to God. It creeps up, like a lion, seeking to destroy me. (1 Peter 5:8) "God may I be reminded of how sinful I am and how wonderful Your GRACE is." Don’t let Satan convince you that your sin isn’t a big deal – it’s a big enough deal to put Jesus on a cross.

Who Is This Guy?

I’m reading a book called, Dug Down Deep, by Joshua Harris. My dad had been reading the book and when he was finished he passed it down to me. I LOVE to read but I don’t read near as often as I would like. (Even my brain eggs me to read more; Silly brain.) This is a great book and I would recommend it to everyone. It’s a great picture, well, not so much a picture but more of a guide or an outline of how important it is to know the theology of the faith centered on Jesus Christ. I was reading a chapter that was dealing with how miniscule and in lack our perception and understanding of God really is. There is no way I can give justice to the authors thoughts on this matter so I will most likely be typing out several of his words as well as a few of my own. “Once, as I was shopping in a mall, I noticed a woman working at a kiosk that sold beads or jewelry. She had no customers. She was leafing through a magazine. And I had a strong sense that I should go talk to her about God. Trying to be bold, I walked up and said, ‘Excuse me, but I just felt that I was to tell you that God loves you.’ She looked up from her magazine with the most bored, disinterested expression imaginable, raised one eyebrow, and said, ‘I know that,’ and immediately turned back to her magazine.” Joshua Harris goes on to say that so many people take lightly the idea of God loving them; and not only the idea of His love – but who He is in His entirety. As he attempted to “lightly” touch on the subject of God and His holiness, I really began to think. When I pray and tell God I love Him – do I know with whom I am calling upon? When I drive throughout the wonderful and exciting city of Jacksonville, do I realize who I am speaking to? Do I have the proper understanding of God or am I simply caught up in my, oh so lovely, stick to the plan, routine? I have begun to realize that so often when I carry on a conversation with God it most likely sounds like a conversation I would have with a good friend. (Obviously, you know it’s a little different than speaking with a friend…); Almost as if I am speaking to someone…like myself. This IS the problem. God is NOTHING like me. As Mr. Harris put it, “I behold a God who is utterly and wonderfully different from me.” Still not convinced of my point? Or maybe you just don’t see it clear enough. Well, let me give you some scripture. I am created while God is the creator. (Gen.1:1) Unlike God, who is eternal, I have a beginning. God has no end and He has no beginning. He has always existed and will exist long after we are ALL gone. (Psalm 90:2) Acts 17:24-25 says, God “does not live in temples made by man, nor is He served by human hands, as though He needed anything, since He himself gives to all mankind life and breath and everything.” We are dependent beings. We need food and water…sleep and some activity and excitement every now and then. “God is self-existent. He does not rely on anything outside Himself. He has life in Himself and draws His unending energy from himself." He doesn’t need us, or anything. Job 4:24 declares of God’s omnipresence. I’m working on it but I haven’t figured out how to be in 2 places as once yet. God is omnipotent and-all knowing. He knows all things. He doesn’t have to ask for help when it comes to math problems, He doesn’t need a Magellan to figure out directions. Jeremiah 32:17 declares that NOTHING is too difficult for God and Hebrews 4:13 talks of how nothing is hidden from the Lord’s sight. I realize, for those of you who have read the entire page that this is a lot of information. But think about it: We do not consider God to be who He truly is. He is God. Do you understand that this same God who is all of these things, perfect in power and strength, Creator of the universe, loves you!? This baffles me and I can hardly grasp this. God…loves me; A sinner. There is such a HUGE difference between my finite body and the amazing, holy, presence of the eternal God. “Forgive me Lord when I fail to give you the respect and honor that You are due.” I urge you to take a step back and look into your life – how are you treating God? Is He getting the respect from you, His child, which He deserves?